The McBournie Minute: Time to get over ‘Seinfeld’

Every now and then, a pop culture moment comes along that changes the referential comedy landscape forever. It’s a benchmark, a culture touchstone that for years and years, people will look back on fondly. It may not stand the test of time, but in the minds of the people who were there when it was at its zenith, it will live on.

In the 1990s, that moment was Seinfeld, which ran for nine seasons before calling it quits, mostly, because Jerry Seinfeld got tired of coming up with new ways to spend money. Have you missed it since it went off the air in 1998? Probably not, because you haven’t had a chance to, it has joined the ranks of M*A*S*H and Full House in the Pantheon of Eternal Syndication. You get to watch it any time you want, and act like all of the lines are new.

But the thing is, Seinfeld is vastly overrated. There, I said it. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Time to get over ‘Seinfeld’

Kim Jong-il ‘Chuck-norrised’ Chuck Norris

Some of our political leaders have taken some heat for their fetishistic worship of the Founding Fathers, casting them as perfect men who planned the entire future of a nation that had never existed before.

While that’s goofy, it could be worse. And by that, we mean Kim Jong-il worse.

An article in The Telegraph reports a list of various myths that have been ascribed by North Korean propaganda to the littlest tyrant. Our personal favorite?

“The first time he picked up a golf club, in 1994, Kim reportedly shot a 38-under par round on North Korea’s only golf course, including 11 holes-in-one. He then decided to retire from the sport for ever.”

We heard that the orgasms he gives to supermodels are so traumatizing that they are left with no memory of the encounter and will deny ever meeting him. He’d be concerned if he weren’t so busy suing J.K. Rowling for plagiarizing his autobiography to create Harry Potter.

A library is not a place for pranks

If there’s one organization you don’t want to mess with, it’s your local library.

In Boise, Idaho, a 75-year-old woman has been arrested in connection to a string of incidents where someone dropped condiment packets into the book return slot. This sort of thing is taken very seriously, especially in Idaho, where the only other crime problem on the rise is speeding rodents. The woman was sentenced to a month in jail after pleading guilty.

But don’t take my word for it, find out for yourself.

You Missed It: Out, but not down edition

People are miserable. They can’t stop complaining about how rotten things are right now, and they just can’t wait for it all to be over. That’s right, a new season of American Idol is upon us, and as if that wasn’t bad enough, the East Coast keeps getting slammed with snow storms, too! If you were busy addressing the nation, odds are you missed it.

Drink as if you were a champion today
The New York Jets lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday, thus crushing their Super Bowl hopes, but that didn’t stop quarterback Mark Sanchez and wide receiver Braylon Edwards from going out and living it up in Pittsburgh, a town known for its festive atmosphere. The two Jets spent over $2,500 on champagne, shots and probably the jukebox the night of their loss. Your move, Roethlisberger.

Now’s the time to ask for that autograph
Charlie Sheen is working hard on being his generation’s John Belushi, in that he’s pretty funny but he throws really awesome parties. For more than a day and a half, Sheen allegedly partied with two porn stars, some alcoholic beverages and a suitcase full of cocaine. Surprisingly enough, the party ended with Sheen being rushed to the hospital, where he has since been released. Start your Charlie Sheen death pools, folks.

Rocking the casbah
If you like yelling and throwing rocks–and you’re not a Lakers fan–this was a pretty good week for you. Early this week, the people of Tunisia led an uprising against their government over poor living conditions, which ended in the president exiting the country. A couple days later, another African country, Egypt (bonus points if you knew Tunisia was in Africa), held its own demonstrations against its government. Poseurs!

Proof of concept: ‘trying too hard’

Except for a few holdout states, we’ve celebrated Martin Luther King, Jr. Day since 1986.  And even though South Carolina, Arizona and–believe it or not–New Hampshire are relatively new to this, it was California that managed to botch the big day.

Aside from an unfortunate college dining menu incident, the Insensitivity Cake goes to Willow Elementary School in Glendora, Calif. for their botched racial injustice demonstration.

Well, not “botched,” really, because it their demo worked incredibly, stupidly well. The only problem is that, once you’ve oppressed the non-white second graders for one recess, parents don’t let you do the same to the white kids the next day.

Fortunately, healing can begin, Community-style:

“One parent told the Whittier Daily News that she hopes there will be an ice cream party to smooth things over with the children.”

Your tax dollars kinda at work

The United States have gotten a bit of an unwanted moniker as of late, thanks in part to ridiculous. And it’s true-we at SG are far too aware of the many stupid lawsuits that are brought up every single day.

We’re not talking about Judge Joe Brown or Judge Wapner telling you to pay 750 dollars in small claims court for scuffing up someone’s shoes at the club-we’re talking about someone suing their neighbor because the neighbor has a boa constrictor skeleton in their house and the person bringing the lawsuit is a necrophiliac. As such, it always makes the citizens of this nation, from the peasants to the lawmakers, a little happier when a crazy lawsuit is smacked down.

Unfortunately, it has the complete and opposite effect when it’s a congressman, a lawmaker himself, that is the person bringing about a ridiculous and stupid lawsuit. Really Dennis? You couldn’t be bothered to glance down at what you ate before shoving it into your mouth? I guess nothing says dangerous like an olive.

Get off the comfort food to cheer up

Hey fatty, are you depressed? Well maybe you should put down that triple quarter-pounder with cheese and listen to this: The food you eat is bringing you down, tubby.

At least that’s what science says. Foods that are high in trans-fats and saturated fats are linked to depression, and not because of a negative self image well-fed people have based on societal norms. As it turns out, eating fast food could make you depressed.

Oh yeah? Then why does it feel so good to eat it?