Month: February 2011

The McBournie Minute: It’s good to get sick

I was so close. I nearly made it. I almost went the entire winter without having a significant illness. In case you are wondering, and missed You Missed It last Friday, there was no Minute last week not because I thought we had President’s Day off, but I was sick. Horribly, horribly sick.

I had the flu, which I came down with the Saturday of that weekend. I’m not talking about the give-me-some-Theraflu-and-tissues kind of flu, I’m talking about the get-the-hell-out-of-my-way-I-need-to-get-to-the-bathroom kind. And, of course, it had to happen to me on a weekend, when everyone else is out doing whatever they want. I was stuck listening to the television.

Ever wonder what it’s like to lie there and listen to National Treasure, it’s only slightly better than watching it. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: It’s good to get sick

Movement to ban human veal

If the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) gets its way, then you can say goodbye to human veal.

The group of pediatricians have begun lobbying each state to prohibit teenagers under 18 years old from UV tanning beds. They believe that the ban would help cut skin cancer rates as the risk of melanoma increases with number of years of indoor tanning.

Of course, this means that that teenage girls will binge tan on their eighteenth birthdays, which makes their meat tough and stringy. At that point, we might as well boil our shoe leather.

There’s a complication behind implication

So, it seems that some people in the world find rape to be a pretty touchy subject. That’s understandable, what with the ickiness behind the act, the philosophies behind the meaning of it taking place and Ice-T’s lisp. Seriously, that’s one cop that hates the letter S. Nonetheless, it’s not that much of a stretch to say that the strong majority of people in existence find rape to fall on the bad side of the line.

So, it’s also understandable for people to be a wee bit upset when a judge utters the line that

“sex was in the air“

in regards to a sexual assault case he was presiding over after giving  a man accused of rape a two-year conditional sentence.

The judge pointed out the victim and her friend were dressed in tube tops, no bras, and high heels and noted they were wearing plenty of makeup.

We’re not going to say that the judge was making a legal precedent for “with the way she was dressed, she was asking for it,” mainly because we’re not lawyers. Or judges. But we will imply it!

Don’t drink and fry

If you work in the food industry, you probably hate humanity, but you do get to enjoy the little perks of the job, such as having access to some good food when you’re in a jam. In Minnesota, one man found the dark side of that.

A man was out enjoying his evening, enjoying some alcoholic beverages, when according to police, he broke into the Pizza Hut that he works at and began making himself some wings. The problem was that he tripped the security alarm, and police soon found him, allegedly cooking under the influence. He was three times over the legal limit.

You Missed It: Water veal edition

It never fails. If I come down with some horrible, nasty illness, it happens over the weekend, when I should be enjoying my time off. Then, I get better once the weekend is over. That’s what happened to me this past weekend, and also why my column wasn’t up on Monday. I was in bed or huddled over the toilet for my President’s Day weekend, so this time I’m going to do it right. I trust you’ll be right there with me. If you were busy meeting Wayne Gretzky this week, odds are you missed it.

Every spill has a silver lining
It was reported this week that nearly 60 dead baby dolphins have washed up on the shores of Mississippi and Alabama so far this year. Scientists believe that it has something to do with last year’s oil spill but they’re not certain of the cause. What is clear is that the price of dolphin burgers just crashed. Who’s hungry?

Starting young
Actor David Arquette said that one of his earliest memories was having a beer with his father when he was four years old. He told Oprah that this may have been part of why he began abusing drugs and alcohol. It, however, does not excuse his career. In any case, compared to Arquette, The Guys seem like late bloomers.

Getting friendlier in Hawaii
Hawaii joined a handful of other states this week when a bill legalizing civil unions for same-sex couples was signed into law. Finally, the University of Hawaii at Hilo can go back to being the Little Rainbows.

Bunga-Bungasconi!

It’s Friday afternoon, so we figured we’d give you little hornballs out there a dose of bunga-bunga.

Embattled Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi faces more and more pressure everyday to step down. Women protesters have called for his resignation, prosecutors want to try him for underage prostitution, and the parliament is considering bumping up their elections.

To all of this, Berlusconi replied: “[No] one can rule better than me.”

He followed that up with: “I mean, name one prime minister who has loved women more than me.”

That’s one small step for man, one giant unintelligble screech for droid-kind

This is definitely not the droid you’re looking for.

You thought NASA was done and over with? BAH! NASA is back, kids, and back with a fiery vengeance!*

It’s space season once again in merry ol’ Cape Canaveral, as NASA is prepping the space shuttle Discovery to launch from the hallowed and famous launch site before it’s shuttered. The destination? The space station. In spaaaaaaaace. Ahem. The shuttle will be carrying six astronauts, a big box of stuff and a robot, R2. The robot with a humanoid design (but nerves of steel) will be dropped off at the station, where it will show itself off to the other robots on the station by doing such revolutionary moves like opening a jar in zero gravity. We can then expect it to probably move onto taking over the space station before attempting to destroy the Earth in a nefarious scheme created with cold logic.

Don’t knock my cynicism. I’ve watched far too many sci-fi movies to not expect this.

*Fiery vengeance may vary, please check with your local listings and consult with your doctor before initiating any types of Pyrrhic revenge.

Like mother’s milk

Anyone who even casually reads this blog knows that The Guys are firmly in the pro-boob camp, why some of us even have boobs! But we’re split on the issue of breast milk. For example, Rick Snee lulls himself to sleep every night with cocktail of vodka, breast milk and the tears of young children (white Cossack), while the rest of us aren’t really sure we’re that thirsty at the moment.

But in London, there’s something we can all agree on: Ice cream made from breast milk. The Icecreamists restaurant is now serving a special kind of ice cream, made from the breast milk of 15 women, who apparently don’t want to feed their babies. Just don’t ask for any special toppings.