Take it from Snee: I hate Single Awareness Day

As February 14 looms closer, I have to endure listening to everyone’s plans for the big day. You think I don’t like binging on chocolate or watching romantic comedies in my PJs?

It’s not that I don’t want to participate; it’s just that I’m not allowed to.

My wife, no matter how I present it, won’t let me celebrate Single Awareness Day. Continue reading Take it from Snee: I hate Single Awareness Day

It takes balls to let the Internet name a building

American democracy–which historians contrast with ancient Greek democracy as “less homoerotic”–is on the ropes in Indiana.

Fort Wayne city and county officials opened up a public vote to name their new government building. This being the Internet and all, the current front-runner is the Harry Baals Government Center.

But, despite a 5, 701 vote lead over the next runner-up, city officials have already suggested that they will not name the building after the former four-term mayor. According to Deputy Mayor Beth Malloy, “We’re not going to make any decisions that look bad.”

Too late, Fort Wayne. This decision shows a remarkable lack of foresight. Sure, shaved testicles are prized now, but you never know when Harry Baals will be back in style.

Just for the record: it’s pronounced “bales.” So, we’re pretty sure where Ms. Malloy’s head is at.

Violence and sex link finally discovered

Hard-line conservatives traditionalists take note: you’ve now been justified. Except, sortamaybekindanotreally.

As we’ve stated before, everyone loves sex toys. Where can you get sex toys? At adult stores, but more importantly, if you live in Huntsville, Alabama, you can get them at Pleasures, right Rick Snee? Right! But, what if you’re a poor yet horny (porny? hoor?) person living in that town, but all you own is a firing device? Then brother/sister, hold onto those yearnings for just 5 more days-Pleasures is here for you.

That’s right, on Valentine’s Day, bring your firing device (the metal one) to Pleasures’ Huntsville location (as in the first ever drive-thru adult store) and they’ll give you an adult toy, no ifs, ands or buts. Not that a lack of buts should deter you. It’s like guns for toys, but these transformers go up your butt.

Sherri Williams, owner of Pleasures, said the “Guns for Toys” event is her contribution to making love, not war in Alabama where guns are legal and adult toys are not. Customers can bring in a gun in any condition to trade for an adult toy. Williams says all guns that were used in a crime will be handed over to authorities while all others will be placed in an auction for sale on the store’s website. A portion of the proceeds will benefit victims of violent crimes through the ACVCC.

See? They are connected, but in a good way. Unless February 14 has a full moon this year, in which case, the Composite Bryan McBournie/Rick Snee Monster will arise and the combination of the devices will only end in tears.

They’d like it if it was Valentin’s Day

The Guys really love Valentine’s Day, because we’re all sentimental and crap. That’s why we’re just going to come out and declare Russia a horrible, horrible place to live. That’s right, Russia has joined with Axis of Evil member Iran in hating the feast of St. Valentine.

Well, the Russian province of Belgorod, anyway. The Russian Orthodox church and social conservatives have condemned the holiday as a foreign holiday that has no place in their country–basically what Cinco de Mayo is to the U.S. We know Putin will set this right. He’s a romantic.