Day: February 14, 2011

The McBournie Minute: Welcome to romance town

It is said that Huntsville, Alabama is the quickly becoming the sexual utensil capital of the U.S., but guess what, Rick Snee? My town has managed to out-romanticize you. At least that’s what Amazon says.

For the second year in a row, Alexandria, Virginia has been named the most romantic city in the country. Any resident can tell you this is true, right down to when we dig Cupid out of his hole and see if he’s scared by his shadow. However, it’s the more subtle things that Amazon.com found that put us on top again.

However, I’ve got a few issues with how they judged this. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Welcome to romance town

Sharing VD means caring

While we’re on the topic of Valentine’s Day, there’s another V.D. you need to be aware of today, and that’s venereal disease.

The disease du jour is gonorrhea. In the spirit of finding one’s soulmate, gonorrhea only infects humans and has done so since Biblical times and probably earlier. Why such a deep connection? It could be gonorrhea’s shared human DNA fragment, which scientists recently discovered in its genome.

That’s right:

Super size my wedding

Ever wanted to really class up your wedding by being able to offer your guests the option of a Filet-o-Fish or Big Mac? Well, now if you want to, for about $1,200 in Hong Kong, you can!

However, if you want Mayor McCheese to do the service, you’re gonna have to pay extra.

Maybe the wrong pheromone was used?

It should be no surprise that we at SG don’t particularly care much for deer. They run in packs, they appear to have no regard for the safety of others, they’re surprisingly strong for being animals and they’re creeping into our territory (this is certainly not true of the opposite).

But now? Now they’re attacking people in their home-and even worse, they’re attempting to attack the very super sensual lovemaking of the human race. This cannot happen, people! We must take the war to them! It’s time to track down the resting places of these monsters and make them bear witness to a special kind of love-gun.

And I ain’t talking about the kind KISS sings about.

The gift that keeps on hissing

So apparently today is Valentine’s Day, which we are sure all of our male readers out there already know about. If you’re going for the last-minute, spur-of-the-moment-style gift, might we make a suggestion for you: A Madagascar hissing cockroach.

The Bronx Zoo is letting people name its roaches, and thinks that it’s the romantic thing to do. As hopeless romantics, the guys know the ladies will love this. In fact, you can go a step farther and name the roaches in your apartment after her.

You’re welcome, gentlemen.