Day: February 16, 2011

Take it from Dr. Snee: The fun-sized fat debate

As a dick-and-fartisan who moonlights occasionally as a doctor* in this space, the topic of food, exercise and obesity in America one near and dear to my opinionated ass. On the one hand, child obesity rates are undeniably skyrocketing, which puts a damper on future national defense and the high school dating scene if I’m ever single again. On the other, fat is a human tradition indicating mastery over all predators.

In the great debate between health officials and Alaskan reality stars, there are a number of arguments to be considered carefully. As mentioned before, I am a kind of doctor* (though not a chiropractor), so I will attempt to use my expertise to chew through them.

In the end, we’ll still be fat, but perhaps we’ll be fat together. Continue reading Take it from Dr. Snee: The fun-sized fat debate

Coke and porn stars only funny when implied?

Now that Egypt’s Jasmine Revolution is over as far as Americans are concerned, we can resume our focus on domestic issues. And that domestic issue is Charlie Sheen.

In the latest chapter of what will undoubtably fill future history books, Chuck Lorre–creator of Two and a Half Men–has called Sheen out in those two-second long screens at the end of his shows’ credits. With shooting on hiatus until Sheen gets his porn star and coke habit in control, Lorre wrote that he will be pissed if Sheen outlives him.

Seriously? A show is on hold because the lead actor in a show loosely based on his actual life because of porn stars and coke? Just move the cameras to his house and start taping off the cuff. The kid’s old enough for his own Valtrex prescription, so let’s dump with the innuendo and make Jon Cryer really uncomfortable on set.

It’s gotta be more interesting than whatever Kardashians do.

Always 7X Cola

The secret is out! Coca-Cola is people! Actually, not really. As it is, the secret behind Coke’s proprietary mixture of sugar, water, caramel color and more sugar, may have actually been exposed 32 years ago in an article in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

Accordingly, the 1979 article not only lists the obvious ingredients used in Coke, such as sugar, citric acid and caffeine, but also breaks down the mysterious “7X,” Coke’s most closely guarded secret. People have died for less, we assume.

So, what’s in 7X? Not cocaine, sadly fortunately. On the contrary, the reports are saying it’s a mixture of alcohol, oils from oranges, lemons and nutmeg, coriander, cinnamon, and neroli. Good luck using the information to make your own version of Coke. It lacks high-fructose corn syrup, but that doesn’t make it any easier to make it in your mom’s basement.

It’s a little early for green beer

There’s a greener way of doing things, and if you’re drinking a beer, you could be helping to clean up the earth. Sure, the crops that go into making beer, the water added, the electricity used during the process, the energy used to make the glass bottle, the labeling and capping of said bottle, and the hauling of your six-pack to your local store, where you brought it home, may all have a negative impact on the environment, but things are getting greener!

Now, the stuff left over from making beer can be turned into methane, which can be used to power the brewery. They’ve got just such equipment at the Magic Hate brewery in South Burlington, Vermont (holla!), and apparently other places have them, too. So the next time some teetotaler harasses you for drinking too much beer, just tell them you’re helping save the Earth more than they are.