It ain’t February unless Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Or already past the corner. Whatever. I hate calendars and time travel. Here’s a perfect movie to cozy up with a lady. This is called a foolproof plan. It’s Love Story, the 1970 Ali MacGraw/Ryan O’Neal tearjerker vehicle. Considered by many to be one of the most romantic movies of all time, if this doesn’t work for you, nothing will. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Love Story’
Day: February 17, 2011
Activate Republi-Bot 2012!
After years weeks of trying to find a candidate that can beat President Barack Obama in the 2012 election, Gallup has delivered one that finally ties in poll numbers: Generic Republican Candidate.
Yes, Generic Republican Candidate! It slices tax rates and dices spending! It prays using only widely-accepted Western practices! It demonstrates high school graduate proficiency of the English language and American history!
Just open Generic Republican Candidate’s can, and use an ordinary hair dryer to remove the wrinkles from its flag pin-adorned suit and power tie in mere seconds! It comes with everything you see here and an unassailable military record!
Generic Republican Candidate: You can trust it because it’s clearly labeled “Made in America.”*
*Parts made in China, assembled in India and delivered by Mexicans.
Stop fighting nature and gobble down the meat
Here’s a health tip for all vegans: eat a d*** already.
And by that, we mean fish sticks.
See? SG cares about you. We would now like to continue our conclusion jump by saying science is openly mocking vegans.
Statuesque
Jimmy Kimmel has come a long way since chugging beers and getting girls to bounce on trampolines on live television …. Wait, there is no further point than that. He’s digressed a long way since then.
Anyway, he might be making more money, but even then, $650 is a lot to spend on a number 32 Michael Jordan statue.
Here’s a big-ass crab to give you nightmares
It’s cold outside, that’s generally what happens in the winter time, we get that. But people also get the tendency to go on some sort of tropical vacation to thaw themselves out.
We’re fine with that and all, but just remember: The waters aren’t necessarily safe. Crab Kong could be on the loose and coming for you. Now enjoy your vacation.