Day: March 1, 2011

Eat My Sports: The sports appendix

Yup, winter’s end is officially around the corner, so continuing with McBournie’s efforts from Monday, I am going to bitch about the one time I got sick during the winter.

The appendix: it looks like a turd and has no foreseeable purpose. Yet when inflamed, can possibly become a fatal organ. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the story of how the Pittsburgh Steelers tried to kill me, yet I cheated death.

Sunday February 6, 2011 was like half of the Super Bowls I have experienced since graduating from college, the Steelers were looking to lock up another title. I didn’t have a good feeling going into the game, and Christina Aguilera, a 21-10 first half abomination and The Black Eyed Peas did nothing to dispell how I felt about it. I had a sick feeling in my stomach at the half, and little did I know that in about 24 hours, it was about to go boom-boom-pow. Continue reading Eat My Sports: The sports appendix

12 Angry Haley Joel Osments

Despite two dissenting votes, the U.S. Supreme Court has definitively ruled that a jury can hear dead people.

Actually, they decided that a witness’s dying words are now admissible in court, which means attorneys finally have a case against those drapes that killed Oscar Wilde.

There are no girls on the internet

There are lots of things to learn about the internet. These are the 8 Simple Rules for Using the Internetz

1. The first internet was made out of wood.
2. The second internet, which we are using, is made of pipes and tubes.
3. 84 percent of the content consists of pictures of animals.
4. The remaining 16 percent consists of the most vile stuff you can think of.
5. If you say John Byrne three times, he’ll appear on your site. This is not a good thing.
6. CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL.
7. When in doubt, NSFW.
8. There are no women on the internet.

Sadly, a man in Naperville never got the memo on that last one. This will only cost him around the sum of two hundred thousand dollars. We can only assume he didn’t get the memo because he was too busy logging into his Compuserve account.

Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh, Charlie!

Pornstar knocker-upper Charlie Sheen has taken to the media to help get the actors and crew of his show “Two and a Half Lines of Coke Are a Great Way to Start the Day Men” paid for the full eight episodes that were cancelled. Sheen, who is currently fielding interviews from “Sober Valley Lodge,” admitted he was on one drug, Charlie Sheen. Though you are advised not to try Charlie Sheen, because if you do “your face will melt off, and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

No dessert for you

If you were looking forward to having some boob-flavored ice cream, cancel your plane tickets.

The ice cream made from human breast milk that was to be sold at a London ice cream shop has been confiscated by health officials. That’s right, the world may never get to taste Baby Gaga ice cream. The food standards folks have to figure out if it’s safe for humans to eat something that they give to their babies.

The pool on when someone tries this in the U.S. is now open, gentlemen.

[via Consumerist]