Day: March 15, 2011

Eat My Sports: Marching on

So by now, I’m sure every last one of you have printed off, scribbled through and have attempted filling out at least half a dozen brackets so you can be your office champion. You’re still probably pissed at Gary in corner cubicle with no window, for winning last year’s office pot, when the closest he came to college basketball was IT Tech chess tournament.

We all have our devastating stories of what we thought was a sure bet to win the tournament. My personal favorite was in 2009 when our restaurant pool lost to a bartender’s girlfriend who picked each winner by who had the prettier colors. Its crap, and though none of us actually pay attention to college basketball until the brackets are released, we pretend to be a knowitall and convince ourselves that Murray State might actually have a deeper bench and better free throw shooters than Duke. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Marching on

Nearly half of U.S. millionaires are late-bloomers

Fidelity Investments surveyed 1000 U.S. millionaires and discovered that 42 percent feel that–despite owning at least $1 million of assets–they are not wealthy. Furthermore, many believed that they would not be wealthy until they were worth $7.5 million.

Some of you may say this is a symptom of inflation. You would be wrong.

This is an issue of low self-esteem. Our nation’s millionaires are ugly ducklings who never learned they were beautiful when they made their first million–or even millions less than eight. If our upper class feels middling-to-lower because they only have six bedrooms or four cars, then we have failed as a society to make them feel better than the rest of us.

College: the unhappiest place on Earth

I’m only (almost) six years separated from my time in college and it would seem that EVERYTHING has been changed. RUINED FOREVER, I SAY! RUINED FOREVER!

In my day, people would shove sauces and food into their mouth without a single hesitation, especially at a buffet. Grapes, cheesecake, fried rice, who cares, even more so if it’s covered in hot sauce (helpful hint: don’t do that). Now, though? Kids stuff the weirdest things into their mouths. Like an entire bottle of soy sauce! As such, he took a little trip to UVa Medical Center (I am all too familiar with that building). Just like you shouldn’t mix black with navy, don’t mix soy sauce with dog food. Your stomach will get all discombobulated.

But there’s still more change in the air for those youngsters! Tufts University has decided to nix their official sanction on the Naked Quad Run. Traditionally held to celebrate the end of the fall semester, the long held event is being ended over fear of the “inherent dangers it presents,” which is odd considering no one’s worried about the dangers until 2011? Look, if people want to run on icy roads all naked-like and potentially land on their soft and squishy parts, well, that’s their business.

Let freedom and nudity ring!

Them’s snowball fightin’ words

For those of us in southern climes, it’s mid-March, which means there are buds on the trees and temperatures are rising. In New England, it’s still winter–so much so that it’s still possible to have a snowball fight.

Unfortunately for two Massachusetts men, it’s also possible to get into a fight over a snowball. For some reason, one man threw a snowball at the other’s car, a sign of ultimate disrespect in the Northeast. The driver got out of his car and a fight ensued, now they are both up on assault charges.

They’re 39 and 40 years old. The magic of a New England winter makes everyone feel like a kid again.