MasterChugs Theater: ‘Leprechaun’

For some time now, I’d been mulling over the best way to return to writing b-movie reviews. I searched long and hard for a film important enough and with such a profound influence on modern cinema that it deserved to have attention drawn to it. After days of trying to think of the perfect way to celebrate my triumphant return, I sprung from my bath just as the great scientist Archimedes did all those years ago and yelled, “Eureka! I think I have it!”.

Not only that, but I get to celebrate my Mom’s birthday (Happy Birthday, Mom!) AND Saint Patrick’s Day? Well, there’s only one way, people.

Prepare for Leprechaun. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Leprechaun’

Syria: the Fonzie of the Middle East

The Syrian government detained 32 protesters, charging that they were seriously damaging Syria’s “rep.” The detainees were demonstrating against Syria’s detention of other political prisoners, which also demonstrates that they did not fully understand the original problem.

Damascas officials have not indicated when they will release these protesters, but they have hinted that they may place their mothers under house arrest for making them look uncool in front of the guys.

It’s a golden age for the Australian food industry

In Australia, you can now build a whole meal around cannabis. It’s being reported that ice cream, cake and beer made with pot have been given the green light in spite of fears that the “marijuana munchies” could trigger their own red light. Isn’t that just a fantastic name: “the marijuana munchies.” Nothing says panic like terms out of the roaring twenties.

The decision results from an appeal by Andrew Katelaris, a former doctor who was de-registered for supplying medical marijuana to patients, who said,

“Our vision is that anything you can do with soy beans or dairy you can do better with hemp seed.”

In fact, Food Standards Australia New Zealand found that industrial hemp contained such low levels of the psychedelic ingredient known as THC that no one eating food containing it would feel the effect. FSZNZ even went as far as to say that “hemp seed is nutritious food containing sizeable amounts of protein, polyunsaturated fats and dietary fiber.”

The best news about this? Maybe hemp advocates will stop making those ugly macrame bags and turn their attention to food. But honestly, I won’t lose any sleep if they go with just the former.

In the old days, they just used a gun

A lot of people own pets, we’re OK with that because we know exactly where they are at all times. However, sometimes people get emotionally attached to their animals, even though they know they will outlive them. That’s where taking them (the pets) to the vet for that walk down the Green Mile before they get put to sleep comes in.

Now, you can have your pet killed in the comfort of your own home. In Minnesota, and we assume elsewhere across the country, you can have a service come to your house and euthanize your pet for you. Of course, then you have to worry about helping put your former pet into a trash bag and hauling the carcass out to their van, but hey, it beats going to the vet, right?