Four students from Washington, D.C. Thomson Elementary School were hospitalized for consuming an unknown quantity of cocaine while at school.
Nobody knows how one of the students obtained the coke, although it could have been one of those fabled free samples from the neighborhood dealer that D.A.R.E. warned us about. However, the four are reportedly fine and–aside from some sore throats–exhibited no other symptoms.
Oh, and they also:
- wrote a screenplay for an action movie,
- recorded a guitar-solo-heavy rock concept album about robots from the future,
- talked to three women apiece (“eights” and above) about world piece
- and invented a new type of calendar that replaces the leap year with a quarter day in February because your brain doesn’t move fast enough to interpret time in waves and rays.
Basically, what we’re saying is that cocaine is a hell of a drug.