Day: March 21, 2011

The McBournie Minute: How to tweet

As I am sure I don’t have to tell you, Twitter is five years old today. And it seems like only yesterday we were wondering just what exactly a hashtag was. Seriously, it’s been five years. I would say I have known about Twitter’s existence for about three years. Regardless, it’s known to the whole world now.

But the problem is that a lot of people don’t really understand what Twitter is. They sign on, and usually their first tweet is “I have no idea what this thing is.” Well, this is a guide for all you Twitter n00bs out there. It’s time to get with 2006 and try out the Twitters.

The first step, of course, would to sign up for an account. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: How to tweet

A standoff that began with a run for the border

According to a survey published in the BMC Psychiatry journal, mentally ill patients are more likely to be obese or overweight than patients with physiological disorders.

This may help explain why a San Antonio, Tex., man attacked a Taco Bell with an air gun and a semiautomatic assault rifle and pistol over the price increase on Beefy Crunch Burritos. He discovered the beefy crunchy hike from 99 cents to $1.49 after ordering seven of them.

The good news is that, after a three-hour standoff with the SWAT team, we can all have a hearty laugh about this. Unless of course, you, dear reader, planned to buy 30 burritos for $30 at lunch today.

The world of Fallout, today!

Ann Coulter recently went on The O’Reilly Factor to trumpet that radiation is good for us all.

“There is a growing body of evidence that radiation in excess of what the government says are the minimum amounts we should be exposed to are actually good for you and reduce cases of cancer.”

We’re talking heavy doses, not eensy-teensy bits.

DO NOT LISTEN TO HER WORDS.

It’s important to keep in mind that she is not a scientist, a licensed medical professional or a real person. Ann Coulter is actually a secret Diplohorsus Rex, a long rumored dinosaur-human-mammal hybrid race composed of the DNA from both horses and diplodocus, the extinct dinosaur. Everyone’s heard about the Illuminati, the Freemasons, the Saurians and other conspiracy darling constructs. They’re nothing compared to the Diplohorsus Rex. These monsters have been around for eons, piloting the War on Animals from behind the scenes, but they’re not on our side. They put on skin suits a la V (but with less Robert Englund and more subtle commentary against President Obama) to walk amongst us. Of course they want us to think that we can handle the extra radiation. It’d only kill us, that’s all.

We’re in a war, people. Make your choices carefully.

At least it wasn’t the plunger

Aside from the basement torture chamber, the bathroom is one of the most dangerous places in the average home. Just think of everything that can go wrong–slipping in the shower, peeing on the toilet seat, the list goes on.

Now you can add to that list another danger: the toilet paper holder. EMTs in Dallas rushed to the aid of a woman who they found in her bathroom, with a toilet paper holder in her neck. Now, the blog has long said that those things should be regulated by the government, along with weapons-grade mozzarella, but this is an example of why.

As the 69-year-old Dallas woman has shown us, you can be calmly navigating your bathroom when you lose your footing and BAM, you become your next roll of toilet paper. Trend carefully!