Day: March 22, 2011

Eat My Sports: We have a gambling problem

I love the NCAA Tournament. Only this tournament can galvanize us all to root for a rotating cast of teams that we have never cared about in our lives. And, for roughly one month out of the year, it legalizes sports gambling in the US. This is also my biggest problem with it.

I am of the belief that gambling on sports should be legal, regulated and taxed. I think it’s a way to take something that people are already doing anyways, and have it be something that contributes to the country even if the person loses the bet. However, our government has not legalized it nationwide. Yet, every March, a gigantic blind eye is turned to something that literally everyone gambles on once a year, the NCAA Tournament. Continue reading Eat My Sports: We have a gambling problem

If you want to frolic, man, just frolic

We’re not saying that Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin is obsessed with his manly image, but even when he frolics,  he  only does so accompanied by a snow leopard.

There are rumors of Putin’s alleged

  • Skipping with a mini-gun
  • Holding a tea party with the Hell’s Angels
  • Trying on wedding dresses on the wing of a mid-flight biplane
  • Inserting his tampons with a blue applicator instead of the girly pink one

But all sources for these are no longer available for comment.

I’ll have an oxy-flavored astro-pop

You might hear the song She’ll be Comin’ Round the Mountain from the ice cream truck cruising through the neighborhood, but you may not feel it even hitting you if you purchase anything from it. In fact, you might just want to think twice before even tracking it down.

A Lickety Split ice cream truck in New York has been busted for selling oxycodone (the generic version of the world famous pain-killer, Oxycontin), mostly out of the truck. No word yet on the quality of Lickety Split’s ice cream, but we suspect the Coke Float could become addictive.

Which is understandable, as Coke Floats are delicious, especially if you can’t feel your tongue.

The dead are swarming our highways

We thought we were safe. For months, we went without hearing a single word about them, but now, perhaps because they are unfreezing now that winter is over, they are back. Folks, zombies are in the Carolinas.

Luckily, the good folks at the South Carolina Department of Transportation were kind enough to warn drivers of zombies, hunters and tanks in the area. We can only presume that the hunters and tanks were called out to deal with the zombie infestation.

Remember folks, keep alert, keep your hands at ten and two and don’t pick up any hitch hikers.