Day: March 31, 2011

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Eyeborgs’

I must admit that when I sat down to watch this one I was expecting nothing more than a SyFy Channel-level flick with crappy f/x, a silly one-note story, and wooden characters. And why wouldn’t I expect that? The movie is about surveillance cameras, originally designed to protect us, attacking and killing people. It has “SyFy” written all over it. I was in fact wondering why this hadn’t aired on that channel. But after watching it for only 10 minutes I soon realized that Eyeborgs is so much more than that.

And none of that is good. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Eyeborgs’

And yet plastic bags have suffocation warnings

The Guys have been warning our wives and girlfriends for years, but apparently some people have to die from water balls before they’ll heed our warnings.

But seriously, water balls are inflated plastic balls that people are zipped into to walk across water the way Jesus did: hamster-style. The air you breathe is the same air used to maintain the integrity of the sphere, which should last for an hour … unless you’re dangerously out of shape, so nobody in America should have a problem with this.

Maybe Bubba Gump was onto something

"Get in my belly and on my tee!"Lobsters: if they’re not the second most jerks of the sea (number one on the hit list continuing to be dolphins), then they’re certainly built to be. With an armored carapace, large claws made solely for destruction and a dead look in their eyes, the beasts are essentially zombies of the sea.

Or medieval accountants.

The human race has long known the delicious spoils of war against the crustaceans, but no longer will we know just that reward. Thanks to a scientist, we’ll now be able to deal with the arthropods as the Native Americans did with the buffalo.

Well, that is, if the Native Americans ever played golf.

Sea-to-air attacks

It’s no secret that boating is one of the most deadly pass times around–right up there with HALO skydiving and competitive garbage-disposal clearing–but now that spring is here, we have ourselves some big reminders.

Off the coast of Florida, wife and mother of three was out with her family on a charter boat off watching eagle rays (known for their piercing scream and their sharp talons) jump out of the water, when a big one, up to 300 lbs. estimated, jumped out of the water and tackled her to the deck. Luckily, the woman was not seriously injured, however, the eagle ray escaped to kamikaze another day.

Meanwhile, near Texas, a mako shark, which, you know, have teeth and stuff, jumped into a fishing boat in what ended up a bad career move for the beast. The shark was killed and will be stuffed.

Why are these attacks happening now? Well, though it doesn’t feel like it for much of the U.S., it’s spring, and the animals know it’s time to step up their attacks on humans. Keep your guard up.