Day: April 11, 2011

The McBournie Minute: In which I save the federal budget

For the most part, we here at SG try to stay as apolitical as possible, except for Rick Snee, who is in fact considering a run for the White House later this year. I live in the Washington, D.C. area, so I get politics crammed down my throat enough as it is.

But every now and then I feel the need to get on my soap box and let my thoughtful, well-reasoned opinions be heard. In case your neighborhood Tea Partier hasn’t told you, the government is spending a lot of money and that needs to stop. Tea Partiers are fine with the government shutting down, as long as they still get their Social Security checks, but everyone else thinks a shutdown is a bad idea.

So I have once again lent my services to the U.S., and found us ways to save money. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: In which I save the federal budget

Cut your arm off, win a switchblade

Moving to Maine is, in a lot of ways, like cutting your arm off.  Sometimes, you do what you have to in order to survive, even if that means moving to the state that Stephen King made famous by immortalizing its killer alien spider clowns and demonically-possessed cars.

But, what if you got some chocolate in your lobsterbutter/lobsterbutter in your chocolate? Maine’s got your back, one-armed badass.

Maine’s legislature has approved a bill that would make it legal for amputees and other people with one arm to legally own a switchblade, enabling them to use a pocket knife without opening it with their teeth.

Governor LePage is expected to sign the bill into law, but has refused to comment on a follow-up amendment that would award lap dances to armless people who can twirl butterfly knives.

It’s life imitating art

Especially when the art is a Steven Seagal movie. Note: this might be the truest form of an oxymoron.

Remember the Cold War? Everyone was all “Grr, snarl, I’ll get you Comrade Jerk-ski, Take that Capitalist Pig!” And then there was that whole nuclear standoff that has eventually put us where we are now. Which is to say, with the United States as the top dog and Russia still eating borscht. But hey, now we’ll never have movies like Hunt for the Red October. Right?

Not unless we’re able to add in countries like Britain.

Cows with boobs

And we’re back. It seems the United Kingdom’s obsession with boob juice knows no limits. First, they tried to make ice cream from breast milk, now, they’re making cows that can produce “human” breast milk.

That’s right, they are taking an animals whose milk we already drink, and making them produce milk that is similar to breast milk. Next, they’re going to have cows make dairy creamer.