For those of you who follow any of these columns, you would know that up until LeBron James took his talents to South Beach, I was one of the biggest James’ supporters you could find. I loved how he was single handedly willing the Cavs to the best record in the league and on the cusp of a title. But he had to go, now, no one blames James for leaving, it was how he did it. Backstabbing an entire city on live television turned him from the most popular to the most hated athlete in a manner of seconds. However, he also gave birth to a new cause, the anti-Heat. We now watch James and the MoHeatos for the sole purpose of watching them lose. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Drinking the hatorade
Day: April 19, 2011
China goes full-on Dethklok
The Chinese, who execute four times more people than any other government, believe they have made their executions more humane. They’ve upgraded from firing squads to “death vans.”
Death Vans: Because nothing convinces the world that you’re now totally with human rights than inventing a term for a bus used to kill people wherever they might be.
In their defense, though? It is an upgrade from Western rape vans.
Get arrested angry, in 3D
Nicolas Cage owes the United States government a lot of money. And when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. Unfortunately, he may be owing some more money to another government, albeit at the city level.
Cage was arrested in New Orleans (“You don’t have a lucky crack pipe?”) after getting drunk and getting loud with his wife. And yes, one of the charges he was booked on was domestic abuse battery. But if we ended the story on just that note, we’d be nothing more than journalists. No, dear reader, we’re not going to end it on that. You see, there’s a key part of the story that SG would like to point out.
Nicolas Cage was arrested after he got drunk in the city’s French Quarter and argued in the street with his wife over whether a house they were in front of was theirs,
It’s very important to focus on the bold. Because, people, that’s a whole new level of drunk.
It must be jail break season
New York had the Egyptian cobra, but in Arkansas, they do it a little different.
If you live in Pine Bluff, Arkansas, you may want to consider staying indoors for a while, assuming they have houses where you live. There is a nine-foot alligator somewhere on the loose. It got away from the local zoo, and not just by sneaking off when no one was looking. This thing got past two chain link fences to earn its freedom.
With such dedication, the beast is clearly a spy. It was sent to get caught, to learn our ways and and our weaknesses, then move on and report back to the nearest enemy base.