Day: April 21, 2011

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Mystery Team’

Hey everyone-Chugs is absolutely beat. It’s been a crazy busy week that’s seen no time for movies in the recent week-ish time. Here’s a classic MCT from the archives in lieu of a new one. I apologize to all of you-except you, Transvestite Hitler. You’re just a jerk. I promise that next week, we’ll have something fresh from the oven.

Movies from sketch comedy groups can be dicey propositions. The formats aren’t really conducive to each other. Sketch comedy can be hilarious one moment, then the next moment it’s crickets chirping. If the group is good, they can move on quickly and forget about things. But movies are a whole other monster to tame. what could sustain three to five minutes can be awkward in this new format. Some groups can pull it off, and you get great films like Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Brain Candy and Super Troopers. Mess it up, and you’re stuck with Miss March.

And there’s not a lot on this earth that’s worse, cinematically speaking, than Miss March.

Now we have Derrick Comedy, an internet sensation full of gentlemen whose names all begin with a “D,” though curiously, none named Derrick. Whether you find this clever or stupid will help determine whether or not you will enjoy Mystery Team. Going by this scale, however, it pleases me to no end that Mystery Team is a rather clever and hysterically funny movie with its heart in the right place that potentially puts the Derrick boys at least on track with the Broken Lizard fellas. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Mystery Team’

What wine goes best with valium?

Two U.S. winemakers are fighting over the use of “mommy” on their bottle labels. California-based Clos Lachance Wines has “Mommyjuice;” a New Jersey-based(?)  unnamed winery has “Mommy’s Time Out.”

The point that both are missing is that “Mommy” has a disease.

Babylushwatch 2011

In more alcomahol related news …

In what can only be described as a bizarre and intentional unintentional trend in the chain restaurant industry, yet another child was accidentally served alcohol, this time at Chili’s. Apparently the restaurant is changing their slogan from “The celebration of food” to “The celebration of drunk kids.” There have been similar incidents recently at both The Olive Garden, in which a two-year-old was served sangria, and Applebee’s, in which a 15-month-old was served a margarita.

The 4-year-old child, Brooklynn Morris, was allegedly served a mudslide instead of a chocolate shake and had three to four sips before she announced that she didn’t like it. Her mother tasted the drink and immediately recognized the alcohol. Brooklynn was brought to the hospital and diagnosed with alcohol-ingestion overdose. Guess who can’t hold their liquor?

The mother, Tyree Davis, remarked:

“I don’t want it to ever happen again … to any child, because I know this just happened last week to someone, and I heard about it, and it’s crazy that it just happened to us yesterday.”

People, we’ve got one crazy epidemic on our hands: little kids and babies are now turning into needy drunks. Not only that, they consume our delicious alcohol, knowing the effects of such an act and then become whiny when they can’t pay the price. It’s time to take away their fake licenses (“I’m only twenny-fwee years old.”) and put these kids in the sobriety corner for a time-out.

Excuse me, doctor, have you been drinking?

Surgeons are among the few people in this world who have a bona fide reason to drink, as if you really need one. They see people’s insides day-in and day-out. Plus, they probably have people making cracks about Grey’s Anatomy every time they tell someone what they do for a living. What’s more is that unlike most of us, the actually have the money to go out and get absolutely plastered every night.

The thing is, they really shouldn’t do that, according to a new study. Apparently, surgeons who drank the night before are more likely to make mistakes during surgery the next day, even though they don’t have a drop of booze in their systems at that point.

Of course, then there’s the whole muscle memory aspect. Like how you suck at beer pong when you’re sober, but once you have a few in you, your skills return. Doctors could easily learn out to cut drunk, then they could do it fine every time.