Day: April 25, 2011

The McBournie Minute: Jane Velez-Mitchell wants you to starve

It heartens me to see that there are members of the media who are through turning a blind eye to the War on Animals and are finally addressing it on their shows. Unfortunately, it’s being highlighted on Headline News, so no one is watching. Nevertheless, this public forum is finally open, and we can now battle out in words with those who seek to subvert the human race.

I am speaking, of course, about HLN’s Jane Velez-Mitchell, who regularly highlights the battle of “Man vs. Nature.” Unfortunately, rather than taking a Dobbsian tone and sounding the alarm people don’t want to hear but should, she take the side of the beasts, and not to play devil’s advocate, either. She really means it.

Well, Jane Velez-Mitchel of “Issues with Jane Velez-Mitchell,” I have issues with Jane Velez-Mitchell. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Jane Velez-Mitchell wants you to starve

New moms won’t freak out about this at all

You might think that pregnant moms have enough on their plates to worry about, and that adding unavoidable fears won’t help them. You are wrong.

Moms now need to worry about about exposure to pesticides, which can lower their baby’s IQ and are found on every food they need to eat for a healthy pregnancy. In solidarity with our media brothers and sisters,  The Guys have helpfully assembled a list of other substances that can lower your baby’s IQ:

  • Mike’s Hard Lemonade
  • The Situation
  • Sound waves of Sarah Palin’s voice
  • Kentucky
  • Paradigm shifts
  • Korn

So, there you go. Avoid those things and you might not have a stupid(er) baby.*

*SeriouslyGuys reserves the right to declare any human being that has not mastered language, potty training, locomotion, sleeping on its back and feeding itself stupid. If you disagree, feel free to update your Facebook page in protest.

French cops denied happy juice, throw temper-tantrum

Say what you want about we A-mur-icans, but at least we generally have the courtesy to not drink on the job unless we’re paid to do so. Or, it makes us more efficient and effective in our work, one or the other.

France? Not so much allegedly for their riot cops.

That’s right, French riot cops are upset that they’re not being allowed to drink while on duty. Right, the muscular cops that wield heavy-duty billy clubs, tear gas grenades and full-time kevlar vests are apparently having a tiff that they can’t have a glass of wine or beer while having a lunch during their shift. While there’s no correlation between police officers and alcohol problems, this move can probably help out with their currently less than sparkling public image. Not that there haven’t been loopholes before:

According to French law alcohol is banned while employees are at work – with the exception of “wine, beer, apple cider and pear cider”.

While this could be the equivalent of cultural shift of sorts, it’d be like banning all types of meat, except beef, pork, chicken, turkey, lamb and other forms of consumption that bleed.

Man vs. Girls Gone Wild bus

If you run a business, it’s important to remember that the customer is always right, and you should always give them what they want. Girls Gone Wild apparently failed to keep that in mind at an event in Michigan.

A show at a bar in Michigan didn’t have enough girls or nudity or something, the story isn’t all that clear on what exactly the issue was, just that the owners of the bar and the people who showed up for the event were unhappy. One 51-year-old man was so upset that he took it out on the Girls Gone Wild tour bus, breaking off both rear view mirrors, at least that’s what police say.

Take note: When bar patrons don’t see the boobs they are promised, no good can come of it.