Day: May 2, 2011

The McBournie Minute: Show me Martin Van Buren’s birth certificate

Before I begin, there are days when making fun of the news really sucks. Every now and then, something happens that just wipes everything else aside for a while, because people suddenly remember what really matters. And there are times when people just don’t feel like laughing. I know, because my first-ever column was published on Sept. 12, 2001.

Conversely, there are times when something so good happens that one does not dare to cheapen it by making light of it while the news still settles in. America got some great news last night, and while we may cover it tangentially, it’s just in bad taste to touch it right now. So bear with us, bear with me, here, for a bit while we try to act like there is more than one story out there at the moment.

So now, I present to you my theory on why President Martin Van Buren (1782-1862) was not a natural born U.S. citizen. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Show me Martin Van Buren’s birth certificate

Oh, the places you’ll blow up!

It’s tough being a parent because, no matter how much you drug your kids, they just won’t stop asking questions. This will be no different about the death of Osama bin Laden.

This is a complicated topic, especially with your hangover from last night’s grave-dancing, so The Guys put together a few ways to explain:

  • “Osama’s on a terror farm upstate, where he can bomb and bomb and bomb.”
  • “He was a bad man, and bad men are punished by the government. Now, did you do your homework?”
  • “Did your friends tell you he was dead? Because that’s just what they want you to think!”

Or, you could just wait for the movie to explain it to them.

So what does that make UNC?

God’s Gift Achiuwa is an actual name of a person.

God’s Gift Achiuwa is a basketball player, and thus not an alias for Cam Newton.

Most importantly though, God’s Gift Achiuwa will be playing for St. John’s University.

A former juco player, Achiuwa has committed to the Red Storm for next season. He apparently chose the school of Washington and Cincinnati. Luckily, the punctuation is in his first name (sort of?) rather than his last name, so don’t worry too hard about that people that make the jerseys!

Mind you, this isn’t that big of a news item, as, much like Cincinnati, Georgetown and most other teams in the Big East, the day that SJU plays a game in the NCAA Tournament is more often than not the day that God rested.

No this isn’t the big news everyone’s talking about this morning

Los Angeles is a city where a lot of dreams happen, or at least appear to. They make the impossible possible, and some people live the fantasy we all dream of.

Two Los Angeles traffic officers lived the dream, allegedly, and are being suspended for it. According to the city, the two city employees got themselves in trouble for appearing in an adult film while on the job and in uniform.

Man, some people will do anything to get out of a parking ticket.