Day: May 6, 2011

You Missed It: USA! USA! USA! edition

Oh, hello there. Sorry, I was just sitting here wishing something interesting had happened in the past several days. It just seems like things have been so quiet lately. Has anyone else been as bored this week as me? Here’s hoping there’s something exciting going on next week. If you were busy doing the Dougie with school children this week, odds are you missed it.

WOOOOOOOO!
Late Sunday night, President Barack Obama announced that a team of U.S. Navy Seals found and killed Osama bin Laden. The news, which came nearly 10 years after the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks, was greeted somberly by Americans, as they were pleased to know that a threat was forever extinguished, did not feel right celebrating someone’s death. I’m just kidding, college kids across the country got drunk and burned stuff in celebration.

Where’s the Rocketeer when you need him?
JetMan, the Swiss daredevil known as Yves Rossy, who flies around with wing powered by, you guessed it, a jet strapped to his back, will not be flying over the Grand Canyon as he had planned. He said he didn’t have enough time to train, and if he messed up it would be “really bad.” Wait a minute, you can’t be a daredevil and not take huge risks. Did lack of training stop Evel Knievel from attempting to jump over Snake River Canyon?

Worst. Ventriloquist. Ever.
This weekend there’s a movie coming out in which Mel Gibson plays a guy who has gone a bit off his rocket and talks through a beaver puppet to cope. It’s called The Beaver. I don’t have a punchline for that one, I just wanted to let you know I can’t stop snickering.

Aneurysm? We barely knew ‘er … ysm

According to a study published May 5 in Stroke–the medical journal, not Stroke Magazine–the following eight activities can trigger aneurysms (or those brain things that conveniently kill moms in quirky movies):

8. Drinking coffee
6. (tie) Nose-blowing
6. (tie) Exercising with gusto
5. Drinking cola
4. Getting angry
3. Pushing too hard while pooping (We can talk this way because we’re discussing a medical issue.)
2. Sexing
1. Being surprised

What somehow didn’t make the list? Viewing it in a g%@damn slideshow.

Oh, wait. There’s the anger.

YES! YES! YES!

I can’t stress to you just how Not Safe For Work the link for this story is, and as such, if you click on it at work, you will be fired.

I warn you about it now. Do you understand me?

To repeat, as there will almost no people able to read this story initially, as if they click on the link, they will be fired. The link comes from a news source, but there is glorious rampant nudity in the main image. As such, allow me to sum up the story for you: Ukrainian feminists are fighting sex tourism through nudity.

Yes, you just read that. That is sound logic that SG agrees with.

Again, the link is highly Not Safe For Work. Click at your own risk. You have been warned.

You look familiar, eh?

Online dating is not just for the pathetic, the lonely or sex offenders anymore. With each year, more and more people are logging on to dating sites and finding someone who ends up being OK with meeting a total stranger, as long as it’s in public where there are a lot of witnesses.

It’s also picking up for those who want to find something on the side, just ask former Rep. Chris Lee and his guns. But every so often, it doesn’t work out so well. A 49-year-old Canadian man went to a local coffee shop to meet for the first time a woman he’d been talking to online. He had a good feeling about this one. Only thing was, it turned out to be his girlfriend catching him in a trap.

He got a face full of coffee and a few slaps, before an off-duty cop who happened to be there (Imagine that!) arrested the jilted lover, who was probably charged with whatever they call “assault” in Canada.