Day: May 10, 2011

Eat My Sports: Let’s not go out like Mace Windu

In an interview to hype Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith, Samuel L. Jackson said in regards to his character, Mace Windu, that “he doesn’t go out like a b****” (please trust me on this, as my Google-fu is quite weak at the moment and I cannot find said interview; however, this one line was burned into my brain). Obviously, Sammy L was a little off in his revelation, because most assuredly, Mace Windu went out not just a window, but like a b****.

So, how does this relate to sports? Oh, come on. Teams lose games in the worst ways possible. Players leave in the most egregious ways possible. The worst thing is that more often than not, said people have the most potential ever! They’re rife with talent, but it gets squandered in a single moment, usually in an inexplicable manner. It’s time to celebrate the Mace Windu Awards.

Warning: the language is gonna get strong.

Continue reading Eat My Sports: Let’s not go out like Mace Windu

An itsby-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polkadot blasphemy

Conservative Hindus took to the streets and courthouses to protest an Australian fashion designer’s new bikini. They are flag-burningly upset that designer Lisa Blue used an image of Laxmi, the Hindu goddess of wealth, on crotch and boob patches. And, they are also upset at The Hindustan Times for allowing them to be outraged by showing the pictures that got them aflutter in the first place.

Now, if only our religious conservatives here in the U.S. would raise the same ruckus against flag and Jesus shirts every time they were aired on Fox News.

Commitment means following through on your promise

We’ve all been in the situation before: you’re on the job and time is just running out. But you’re SO hungry! Oh sure, you could always just keep following through with work and pick up something to eat after the job, but that stomach of yours keeps making itself known to the world. Wait a minute, there’s some food riiiiiight over there. What if you combined the two, just grabbing something to nibble on and still doing the job?

That sounds like an admirable plan.

Except when you’ve broken into someone’s house and have decided to eat their frozen, raw chicken that’s been set out to thaw. That might be a poor decision. Oh, another poor decision?

Doing the above sans clothing.

Travel through time on your next vacation

Science fiction has given us some pretty preposterous ways to time travel, like flying around the world backwards, going 88 mph in a DeLorean and whatever they did in that Michael Crichton movie with Paul Walker in it. But now, we have something that’s real.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you real, honest, actual time travel. You can be a part of it, provided you are in Samoa later this year. Yes, the magical land where Girl Scout cookies are made is going to see what the future is like by shifting to the other side of the international dateline. On Dec. 29, Samoa will move the dateline to its east, losing a day and sending the nation straight to Dec. 31. It’s gonna be heavy.

Of course, everyone with Dec. 29 anniversaries or birthdays are out of luck.