Day: May 19, 2011

We clipped this story off for you

The November ballot this year in San Francisco could be the most important one in years. And, it’s all thanks to the efforts of Lloyd Schofield, a former hotelier, who collected enough signatures to put a ban on circumcisions in the hands of voters.

Of course, the proposed measure has its detractors, including the American Jewish Committee and the Muslim American Society Freedom Foundation. They’ve already gotten their heads together to forge a campaign against the bill. Could it be that all it took for there to be peace in the Middle East is a combined interest in cleaner peeners?

The greater question, however, remains: of all the things one can conceivably do to and with penises in San Francisco, this is what merits a potential ban?

Shortest lawsuit ever?

It partially sounds like something from a children’s story. Nonetheless, it might explain just how magical their coffee can seem at times (though, since those times tend to be 6 and 7 in the morning, anything with caffeine would be magical). Well, for as long as the magic can last, that is.

Stay with me now: The United States of America is suing Starbucks for firing a dwarf.

You did not read an untrue word in that sentence.

Starbucks allegedly fired a dwarf person (she was downsized?) the same day that she requested a stool, stating that “she could be a danger to customers and workers.” It’s a horrible reason to use as grounds for termination, mainly because she wouldn’t be a danger, but probably more an amusement to the customers. Except on March 17. Just, FYI kiddo.

Danger is a turn-on

Humans are sexual beings, it’s just how we are. But why do humans make soda machines so sexy? Each of us walks around every day, doing our best not to mind soda machines sexually attractive. Police say one Oklahoma City man lost that battle.

Authorities were called to a grocery store from suspected shoplifting. When they got there, they found a man hiding behind a soda machine with his pants down, pleasuring himself, police say. But it didn’t end there. The man was charged and arrested. As he was being processed at the police station, the arresting officer walked away momentarily, only to come back and find the guy with his pants around his ankles, going at it again–while still handcuffed to a bench, according to the report.

Folks, sometimes a guy just has to blow off some steam.