Day: June 7, 2011

Eat My Sports: BcS

Who won the 2004 BCS Nation Title? Quick, anyone? That’s right! USC.

Now, the BCS, in the swiftest of sanctions ever, seven years later, has stripped USC of their national title. So who owns it? Oklahoma? Who the Trojans pounded into submission? Nope. Auburn, who had equal stake to the hardware? Nope, according to the NCAA, no one has it. Yet that’s not the way it really works.

You see, every American who has the slightest inkling of what actually happens in college football, knows the whole system is corrupt. All that matters is which team has the best lot of corrupt athletes. And in 2004 we learned four things: Anchorman was the best movie, “American Idiot” was the best album, the Red Sox beat some team from New York, and USC had a whole team of inelgible athletes that could’ve gone toe to toe with most NFL squads.
Continue reading Eat My Sports: BcS

Freedom chickens come home to roost

It took over eight years, but France has finally gotten back at certain Americans’ slights in the build-up to the Iraq War. The French Superior Audiovisual Council (CSA) has banned the terms “Facebook” and “Twitter” from their radio and television broadcasts, except when listed as a source of specific information when their journalists investigate stories as lazily as ours do.

One of CSA’s board members, Christine Kelly, explained their decision:

“Why give preference to Facebook, which is worth billions of dollars, when there are many other social networks that are struggling for recognition? This would be a distortion of competition. If we allow Facebook and Twitter to be cited on air, it’s opening a Pandora’s Box – other social networks will complain to us saying, ‘why not us?'”

Unfortunately, her quote has inadvertently raised the stock of Pandora Radio, where you can listen to free Internet radio, find new music and participate in the Music Genome Project. Ms. Kelly never intended for you to know that it’s a new kind of radio–stations that only play music you like. And she certainly never meant to send you to Pandora.com today!

Pennies from heaven? More like pennies from a bowl

Have you ever wanted to pay a bill in … colorful ways? Not so much over the phone or through the mail, but in person. Like, perhaps through single dollar bills, or even the 2 dollar bills, because that’ll show them. And if the place in question accepts cash as a form of payment, well, it’s not as if it’s against the law, right?

Well, maybe. Possibly? Jason West of Vernal, Utah, has been cited by the local police for disorderly conduct, after paying a 25 dollar bill in pennies. That comes out to 25 hundred of the little doodads used to pay a bill. That’s a lot of change to just have lying around the house. I personally don’t understand what apparently upset the employees at the clinic when the coins were doled out to them. Are they opposed to money?

Profiles in bad parenting

High school is a rough time for most people. Unless you’re slutty or reasonably athletic, you’re just trying to get through the day and avoid any notice from your fellow students. One dad in Utah decided that being a sophomore in high school (in Utah, too) wasn’t hard enough.

He decided to, every morning, dress in a different costume and wave to his son’s bus as it passed by in the morning, humiliating his kid. The man, who for some reason named his son Rain, dressed up in 180 different costumes over the course of the school year, including a pirate, Michael Jackson (the white one, we assume), and a bride. In other news, this kid’s virginity is safe until college.

We’re not really sure about the source’s labeling of this “best prank ever,” It’s technically not even a prank, since the victim is not actually triggering the event itself.