Day: June 17, 2011

You Missed It: Passionate fans edition

If you’re gay, this was probably a big week for you. First, some dude from the New York Giants said gay marriage would lead to anarchy (because everyone knows there are no gay people in the NFL), then the U.N. Human Rights Council passed a resolution supporting the rights everyone, regardless of sexual orientation. Then, a California court overturned the state’s gay marriage band. Oh yeah, there were the Tony Awards, too. If you were busy resigning from office, odds are you missed it.

I love the way the light of that burning car catches your eyes
To the delight of dozens of hockey fans in the U.S., and none in Canada, the Boston Bruins won their first Stanley Cup (the award you get when you win the championship) in 39 years. Canadians, long known for their irrational moods, rioted in Vancouver. But in the midst of it all, two crazy kids found love, and found it by making out on the street while police in riot gear cleared out the crowds. I have always said that hockey is one of the most romantic sports out there.

I’ve been hacked
LulzSec, the group or whatever responsible for hacking Sony’s servers, hit the U.S. Senate and CIA web sites this week. They also released a statement saying that they release people’s web site account data purely for entertainment. In other news, I suddenly have a great cover story for when my girlfriend asks why I was shipped sundresses in my size.

The gang is down to fight
This week, Rebecca Black’s “Friday” music video was pulled from You Tube this week, amid legal issues. Her lawyers took down the song because of an ongoing battle with Black’s label, which they charge has been using the song for promotions without compensating the teen. In other news, it’s taken the better part of a decade, but a video was finally pulled from YouTube and no one’s upset about it.

Chinese: ‘Crisis’ is the same word as ‘slow news day’

President Barack Obama announced in a press conference today that he is preparing for the potential crisis of his oldest daughter, Malia, becoming a teenager next month.

House Republicans have already responded by introducing bills to:

  • Deregulate Malia’s curfew.
  • Grant Congress final approval over boyfriend nominations.
  • Set up a panel to determine if the President is impeachable if his daughter wishes aloud that she was adopted.

He’ll hear from Obadiah Stane’s lawyer

Wang Kang is a man on a mission.

That mission is not to stop crime.
That mission is not to commit crimes.
That mission is not to impress his colleagues.
That mission is definitely not to get laid.

Wang Kang’s mission is to build a replica of the Iron Man MK-1 armor from the beginning of Iron Man (Vietghaniban terrorists not included) out of foam, wires and tubes (he almost had the ingredients that were used to put together the first internet), and then, successfully wear it to his job.

MISSION COMPLETE.

Give this man a job with your vote

America is going through some hard times right now. Jobless rates refuse to drop, the market’s up one day and down the next and companies are being forced to tighten their belts. Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney gets it.

You see, he’s unemployed, too. He pointed out that fact to a group of jobless Floridians yesterday, because he’s out of office. But unlike Romney, the Floridians were not multimillionaires.

Pour on the hatorade

Poor LeBron James, he still hasn’t won his first NBA title, much less his second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth or seventh. James, while going back to his wonderful life, which he constantly reminds us is better than the pedestrian ones he believes most people lead, is still the source of ridicule.

The Peoria Chiefs, the Class A affiliate of the equally as ringless Chicago Cubs, held a LeBron James Championship Ring giveaway night, the team, also like James promised not to show up for the fourth, and lost.