Day: June 20, 2011

The McBournie Minute: Among the hosers

Last week, a gritty and action-packed championship series came to a dramatic conclusion, with the team many thought was the weaker of the two walking away with the trophy. I am speaking, of course, about the Stanley Cup finals, in which the Boston Bruins beat the Vancouver Canucks.

I’ll stop for a moment and explain for my readers who are not from the Northeast. Hockey is a game played on a sheet of ice, there are two teams, each with a goal, and the team with the most goals wins. It’s similar to soccer, only it’s interesting. The National Hockey League has its playoffs every spring, and the winner gets the Stanley Cup.

I didn’t watch Game 7 in a bar somewhere with Boston fans. No, I spent it at the Canadian Embassy. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Among the hosers

Last one to die gets to keep it

Marilyn Monroe’s iconic white dress from The Seven Year Itch was auctioned on Saturday. It was sold for $4.6 million to an undisclosed collector.

We wish we could tell you more about the buyer except that a future “McBournie Minute” will complain about the hilarious unexpected pitfalls of splitting ownership of a fancy dress with three other Guys when there are seven days in a week.

Also: never actually wear a dress from a movie called “The Seven Year Itch.” Day One’s been a doozy all to itself.

Efficiency 1, Logic 0

If you have a wart, you can freeze it off. Or burn it off. Or rub a toad over it, however that old wives’ tale goes. Personally, I can’t say for sure because I’ve never had one, but I’m pretty sure at least one of those methods will work … but not nearly as efficient as a shotgun. A shotgun blast will remove the wart from the face of the Earth, as long as you don’t mind such bothersome parts of your body, like … parts of your body.

Right, Sean Murphy?

Right! Murphy had been vexed, nay, bedeviled, by the annoying bump for years and felt that enough was enough. Unfortunately (or luckily?), the wart was located on his hand, and as such, he now has a stump for a middle finger on his left hand.

The most surprising part of the story? Murphy lives in Britain, a country not known for white-trash home medicine hijinks.

Fighting the Wars on Animals, Poverty

Geese are one of the deadliest foes mankind has ever faced. Fortunately, they are also one of the tastiest. To make sure the dastardly geese no longer threaten our planes, New York airports are going to start killing off flocks.

What’s better is that they are then taking the carcasses and shipping them to Pennsylvania, where they will be fed to the homeless, presumably after being plucked and cooked. Why Pennsylvania? The discerning tastes of the New York homeless must not enjoy goose.