Day: August 12, 2011

You Missed It: Uncouth rabble edition

Remember back when you were in school? This was the worst time of year. You were just days away from going back to school, and all those store commercials had been running for a month reminding you that your freedom is nearly expired. Now, you don’t really have that much free time, so it’s nice to watch the little urchins squirm, isn’t it? If you were busy getting your late night talk show cancelled this week, odds are you missed it.

London’s burning
They’re rioting in London! The city that is going to host the Summer Olympics in less than a year is having trouble keeping its citizens under control, after rioters took to the streets for several nights in a row. The riots started in response to local police shooting and killing a black father of four. Rioting over police brutality? The early 90s really are coming back.

Not her moment
Overnight Internet celebrity Rebecca Black has been pulled out of school because bullying has gotten so bad. Instead, her mom will home school her. She said when she would walk by kids in the hallway at school, they’d start singing “Friday” in a really nasally voice. Gee, wonder where they would have gotten that idea.

Gliding to oblivion
The Defense Advanced Research Project Agency, or DARPA, lost communication with an experimental hypersonic glider this week, the second time that’s happened during a test flight. The HTV-2 is capable of speeds up to 13,000 mph. Has anyone considered that it’s just hard to communicate with something going several times faster than sound?

Friday Numbers Game!

As we count the hours to Happy Hour, let’s look at other numbers in the news today.

A senior U.S. official took exception to the claim that CIA drone attacks in Pakistan killed around 2,000 militants (hooray!) and 168 children (boo!). The numbers come from a report released by the London-based Bureau of Investigative Journalism. The official agreed with the militant death count, but found it hard to believe that the drones only killed 168 kids, who are slower, dumber and attracted to flying robots.

And, speaking of the UK, at least 1,700 suspects have been arrested in connection with rioting that began in Tottenham and spread wherever stores still had iPads. Scotland Yard said “that number is changing all the time,” which has led Parliament to authorize prospecting for a New Australia.

It’s Robert Vietze, not Robert Kelly

Maybe the flight was the remix edition?

Despite what some teetotalers might have you think, it’s okay to have a drink or two before flying (if you’re a passenger). Flying isn’t quite for everyone. Sometimes a little liquid courage is needed, and for everyone that’s imbibed before, you’re aware that alcohol has a bit of a tightening effect on your bladder, requiring the drinker to relieve themselves.

However, and everyone should be aware of this, it is not okay to pee on a young girl. This is potentially doubly so (if not triply so) when you’re on a flight.

It doesn’t matter if you’re on a red-eye flight. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s only happening on your leg. It doesn’t matter if there’s liquid soap on-hand to attempt to clean up the mess. Stop peeing on people.

Give a mouse’s ass

As any Republican can tell you, science is bad, but sometimes we need reminder about why it is so bad. It’s bad, because they are now using human stem cells to grow animal parts.

Researchers at the University of Michigan Medical School mixed human stem cells with mouse muscle tissue to successfully create an artificial mouse part. Which part, you ask? Why, the sphincter, of course!