Allow me, if you will, an indulgence.
I enjoy movies greatly. And while I can sit down and discuss the nuances of Inception any day of the week, sometimes, all I crave are those insane, visceral experiences. Thankfully, there are movies. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: If It Weren’t For Movies …
Those new graphic cigarette warnings from the FDA are being challenged in court. Five tobacco companies have sued the federal government on a First Amendment basis, claiming that the new warnings infringe on their right to not explain what their products can do to a person’s body.
Sure, they’re a legal product. So’s Listerine, and Listerine helpfully tells you what number to call if you chug an entire bottle (… by accident) right there on the damn bottle.
It happened in John Carpenter’s Vampires, it happened in From Dusk Till Dawn (and the plethora of direct to video sequels), it happened in Near Dark and it’s happening again in Galveston: Vampires.
Mind you, it’s a new day and age. Society has changed greatly since the middle ages. Gone are the capes and frilly-neck shirts! In their place lie tattoos and boxers. Away are slicked back hair! A nice buzz-cut will probably do. Names such as Alucard, Vlad, Orlock, Varney, Shaitan and Faethor are out! Names like Lyle will do the job.
Where am I going with all of this? A man, Lyle Bensley, is charged with attacking a woman in Galveston, wearing only his underoos and the ink that his tattoo artist dark lord gave him … because he is VAMPIRE! At least, that’s his side of the story. I eagerly await the “need to quench the thirst” defense being used in court.
On the plus side, according to the authorities and emergency medical personnel, the nu-age nosferatu wasn’t under the influence of drugs. So he’s got that.
Ladies and gentlemen, your favorite … Lady, will be releasing a new coffee table book just in time for Christmas. That’s right folks, Lady Gaga will be joining your coffee and crumbcake.
What’s the name of this joe? It’s alright, just drink.
So, I was at the gym–minding my own business, trying to make women in spandex return my eye contact–when one of my friends mentioned a post I wrote about primatologists experimenting with advertisements for monkeys. (WARNING: Bringing up my writing at the gym is dangerous because my resulting pride boner can get caught in weighted moving parts.)
He asked me what was the point of the research, and I said something along the lines that primatologists study behavior and other aspects in apes and monkeys to learn more about our common ancestors and what these mean about humans. Also, to sell these tiny jackets.
I say “along those lines” because I actually kind of fumbled around and mentioned “evolution.” As stated previously, I was caught unaware mid-workout, and all the blood had rushed to my … muscles.
His response? “Oh, I don’t really buy into evolution,” and then laid out evidence of a perfectly-ordered universe that only the Heavily-disputed Champion of Everything could have created.
I’ll be honest. After he laid it all out for me, I kind of want to believe in the god that did “Intelligent Design.” I can only imagine the process that created universal perfection as we know it. For the purposes of Creative Science, please imagine the following events unfolding over 4,000 years. Continue reading Take it from Snee: A Briefer, Intelligenter History of Time, Part One
