Day: August 22, 2011

The McBournie Minute: One man’s courage to not wear a Speedo

Folks, you may have notice I was off last week, and if you didn’t, well, you probably aren’t noticing this anyway, so whatever. I spent the week hitting the beaches of Maine, where a great deal of New Englanders go to enjoy the beach and convince themselves that a 60-degree Fahrenheit ocean water temperature sounds good.

It’s also where French Canadians like to go to see how things are in the U.S., and marvel at American innovations like turning right on red, burgers without mayonnaise and the sun. But being at the beach highlights something about the U.S. that we keep hearing time and time again: American’s are a bare skin-loving culture.

And perhaps not all of us should be so sure about our appearances. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: One man’s courage to not wear a Speedo

There’s one born every minute between 1950 and 1959

Anti-aging products are a booming industry–as in baby boomers are buying them all up. (If you regret the 10 seconds of your life lost reading that last sentence, too bad. No refunds.) Although none are proven to work as advertised, the cosmetic surgery, hormone replacement, skin care and fitness industries are predicted to “increase from $80 billion now to more than $114 billion by 2015.”

However, not every boomer is falling for “look young quick” schemes. The pinnacle of boomer presidents, Bill Clinton, has become a vegan, proving there’s nothing he won’t do to feel younger, liberal breasts.

Jurassic Park just got a whole lot more furrier and realer

Oh, and Russia-ier.

Russia’s always been just a bit more backwards than other countries. They say our catchphrases long after they’ve been played out, pop stars are still gigantic hits over there and they allow Dolph Lundgren to film movies in their country, long after his shelf-date expired.

Along with that, they apparently still let prehistoric animals be found as perfectly preserved specimens.

Quickly, can we get someone to use the cleansing power of fire onto it? Using my knowledge of movie science (which is just ever so slightly different than real science), theoretically, a woolly mammoth can be genetically recreated by taking the DNA and placing it in a mama elephant. And if the egg is in pristine condition.

THAT’S NOT GOOD IF MOVIE SCIENCE IS ACTUALLY CORRECT IN THIS CASE. I don’t know how many paintings of woolly mammoths that you’ve seen, but it’s always a whole lot of furry guys trying to take down just one … and that one is usually the sick one. And even then, the sick one’s got gnarly tusks. Now imagine a large herd of them trampling around the world. That’s not pretty.

Let’s not end up like Dennis Nedry. Kill the sample while we still can.

Have you seen this cow?

This one goes in the “That Wacky Austria” file.

Austrians be warned: There is a cow on the loose, completely devoid of disease and all of that, but it knows things it shouldn’t know, which is why the whole country is working to track it down. Yvonne the cow somehow escaped the slaughter and is hiding somewhere in the forest. Authorities are even using a “cow whisperer” psychics in helicopters, because some countries are more prepared for wars in general, not to mention a War on Animals, than others.

Yes, “‘cow whisperer’ psychics in helicopters” is the most awesome sentence ever written. Thank you for asking.