Day: August 23, 2011

Eat My Sports: Death to U

I don’t pay much attention to college football. It’s a less interesting and uglier game than the pros, plain and simple. Call me crazy, but watching Ben Roethlisberger or Tom Brady duel it out against a tough defense is just a better brand of football than watching Virginia Tech pummel the likes of JMU 70-3. So normally, when it comes to NCAA football stories, I don’t give a crap.

When Ohio State players were busted for selling jewelery and getting tattoos, it’s small potatoes. When Butch Davis gets canned at UNC (irrelevant in everything except white basketball players since 1940), it’s not news. Last week blew the lid off of what we all suspected in college sports, but now we have details, names and faces. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Death to U

The birds, bees, people that eat them

A new study from Ohio State University reveals that men gain weight after a divorce, while women gain weight after having accomplished all of their life goals except ruining yours.

Researchers were unable to pinpoint the root causes for the higher chance of weight gain in these two groups, but they attributed it to married women having “less time to exercise and stay fit than similar unmarried women.”

If we may, we can fill science in on what happens to divorced men: beer for breakfast and Hot Pockets. Also, lackluster masturbation. (Lacklusturbation?)

‘FEETS, DON’T FAIL ME NOW!’

With the exception of this current generation (a pox upon you and your letters U, L and O, might I add!), everyone on the planet has seen The Flintstones. A pterodactyl caws. A giant rack of meat tips a car over. A man slides down a brontosaur. Cars are propelled and stopped by the lowest appendages. An animal of some sort shrugs and says “It’s a living.”

All of these are aspects of the show that get repeated over and over and over in every episode. Pterodactyls do not caw. Giant racks of meat cannot tip a car over. Men cannot slide down brontosaurs. And cars cannot be stopped with your feet.

But a triceratops living under your sink as a garbage disposer? Oh yeah, they definitely say shrug and say “It’s a living.” See, it’s funny because they’re dead inside.

Baring it for the bears

If you like porn, and if you have Internet access, odds are you do, species traitor group PETA will be gunning for you very soon.

PETA plans to launch a porn site (NSFWish) in the near future, in the hopes that they will get more people to read their content about how allegedly harsh animals are treated (even though it’s 100% compliant with the Geneva Conventions). Perhaps this is why former President Bill Clinton is going vegan. They get people to look at barely covered up celebrities now, so why wouldn’t this work? What could possibly go wrong with a plan to add one more adult site to an Internet overflowing with them already?

But, it’s preachy, too!

[via Consumerist]