Day: September 6, 2011

Eat My Sports: Predictions edition

It’s my favorite/hated most time of the year. Right before the NFL season, everyone throws out their predictions as to why once again there’s no reason anyone will beat New England in the playoffs. The Packers and Saints kick off on Thursday night, with Green Bay reloaded and seemingly poised to rip through the NFC. Aaron Rodgers is a bright young star, Philadelphia is poised to raise hell, Dallas is ready to underwhelm us again, and none of these teams will be playing in Indianapolis in February.

In the AFC we welcome upstart Baltimore as Ray Lewis’ streak of 100 straight years that this Ravens team is better than the Super Bowl one, the New York Jets are back to prove that they can and will lose three straight AFC Championship games, New England made a huge splash with Ochohaynesworth and Tom Brady’s best Abbey Waumbach impersenation, the Steelers are glad Ben Roethlisberger didn’t rape anyone this year, Peyton Manning is approaching sixhead status, and none of these teams will represent the AFC in Indianapolis. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Predictions edition

More American smokers lie to CDC

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released the results of their latest headcount of American cigarette smokers and found that more of them have learned to just lie to their doctors about the amount they smoke.

The amount of proud idiots who still tell their physicians that they smoke more than 30 cigarettes a day are down to a mere 8.3 percent. Meanwhile, casual smokers have retreated into the closet with the “one-a-dayers” — only 78.2 percent foolishly admit to smoking every day, and of those that do, over 21 percent were able to at least claim they smoke less than 10 cigarettes a day.

Medical professionals are encouraged by these latest numbers, but are concerned that the rate of smokers learning to lie is slowing. Dr. Tim McAfee, director of the CDC Office on Smoking and Health, believes that intensified efforts to make adults feel guilty about their health decisions could raise this five-year period’s rate of closeted smoking.

“We know what works: higher tobacco prices, hard-hitting media campaigns, graphic health warnings on cigarette packs, and 100 percent smoke-free policies, with easily accessible help for those who want to quit,” said Dr. McAfee.

Warrior of the Week: John in Colorado

Everyone loves the stereotypical concept of guns in Texas, in that if someone comes into your house, they’re a dead person. But what happens when the land becomes not Texas, but Colorado? And the intruder is not human, but a bear?

According to some wildlife authorities (a position which we scoff at, mind you), that person is a criminal.

This is bull-honky!

John in Colorado is a man that just wants to live in his cabin. He successfully put down an intruder (of the furry kind!) that could have been thieving and disease-ridden at best, murderous at worst! And what’s the reward he’s given? Potentially having charges filed against him. Well John, we may not know your last name, or even if John is your first name, but we will say this: in our eyes, you’re no criminal. You’re our Warrior of the Week, and you earned it.

The suspect is tall, white and a biter

Russians are on high alert today after news spread of an escapee, that is considered very dangerous. Officials warned citizens in the city of Petropavlovsk-Kamchatsky that there was an albino ostrich on the loose, and it’s best that they avoid it.

We generally agree that it’s best not to put yourself in danger, but comrades, if you end up face to face with this lethal, flightless bird, shoot to kill. She’d do the same to you.