You Missed It: Back in time edition

By now, you’re probably sick of me monologing about the how insane the natural disasters have been around me here in the Washington, D.C. area. I get it. I won’t do it anymore. However, I will tell you that I have bought a poncho and raft for my laptop, so the floods near my place won’t threaten my ability to post. If you were busy sparring with some of your friends in a televised job interview this week, odds are you missed it.

The ‘Future’ is here
We’ve still got another four years before we reach the future that Marty McFly stumbled into in Back to the Future Part II, but we’re seeing some signs of the future already. No, we don’t have dehydrated pizzas, but we do have the Nike Mag shoe, a replica of the ones McFly wore, you know, the self-lacing kind. Sadly, only 1,500 are being made, but they are being auctioned off by the Michael J. Fox Foundation. Next up, Barbie hoverboards!

No nuts, just balls
Remember when Saturday Night Live was funny? For reference, I am referring to Dec. 12,1998. That was when Alec Baldwin as Pete Schweddy shilled his Schweddy Balls on the public airwaves. It only took just under 13 years for the Schweddy empire to expand and eventually partner with Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream for the new Schweddy Balls flavor. Hey, at least it’s not Peepers-related.

Death from above
Heads up, limeys, you’re being bombed! It’s not the Nazis this time, it’s NASA. Strangely, the space agency gave the U.K. advance notice about it, which kind of goes against the rules of war. Regardless, the 7-ton Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite is going to be hurtling out of the sky late this month, and it’s got merry old England in its sights. Debris could also reach Asia, North America and South America, just for good measure. Cheers!

Buy a potzer a pizza, or listen to this crap all weekend

If you’ve ever wondered where the dubious claims of your local pothead come from, here you go: “Marijuana Slims? Why Pot Smokers Are Less Obese.”

In Time‘s and author Maia Szalavitz’s defense, they’re not saying that pot makes you skinny. In fact, Szalavitz goes to great lengths to explain why (a) that is definitely not the case and (b) the fact the respondents are slimmer than their non-toking fellow surveyees makes almost no sense.

Still, expect to hear these claims all the same. And probably from a stoner chick with a pot belly (all of them).

SUCK IT, NERD COUNTRIES!

AMER-I-CUH, F— YEAH!

In a move that surprises no one, America has been voted the coolest nation in the world by the other countries in the world. Excuse us while we don’t remove our sunglasses. Doing so might bother our totally perfectly sculpted hair.

A social networking, Badoo, conducted a poll using 30, 000 people from around the planet. The relevancy of whether or not a site that no one’s heard of is immaterial; the results are all that matter. Speaking of the results, it was discovered that being a Spaniard is pretty awesome in Europe, Brazil is still tops in Latin America and Belgium a bunch of dorks.

Not that being from Spain or Brazil matters. America is still considered the world’s coolest nationality.

As such, here’s a tip from one of the coolest people in the world to Belgium: get cracking on something awesome other than your waffles and we’ll talk about not stuffing you into a locker. Maybe.

Mice can’t fly

There’s something about this time of year that makes animals want to migrate. That’s fine by us, it’s easier to hunt them down when they’re trying to cross our roads and such. However, some of our foes want to take the easy way.

We have already learned that birds bats will hop a flight without paying, and reptiles from time to time seduce our kind into smuggling them on board, promising them riches when they land. Now we can add mammals to that list. Mice in Hong Kong apparently want to visit relatives in Nepal, because they keep stowing themselves away on flights there.

Most recently, a mouse was spotted in the cockpit of a Nepal Airlines plane, forcing the plane to stay grounded until the furry little terrorist could be disposed of. Perhaps the mouse’s plans weren’t to go to Nepal at all, maybe it just wanted to ruin someone’s day.