Eat My Sports: Wild finish

If any of you have paid any attention to sports in the last seven years, you would know that a lot of stories have been built around epic chokes, late season collapses and everything in between. Think ’04 Yankees, ’07 Mets, ’08 Mets, ’09 Mets, ’10 Mets the Flyers choking away a 3-0 series lead, the 2006 Mavs choking away the NBA Finals after a 2-0 lead. Now, this year we have the 2011 Boston Red Sox.

The Sox entered the season as favorites to win the World Series. An already loaded roster brought in Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford, returned a healthy starting pitching rotation of Josh Beckett, Jon Lester, John Lackey, Clay Buchholz, Daisuke Matsuzaka and a healthy bullpen with closer Jonathon Papelbon. The season started with the Sox losing their first six, and having a horrific start before going on a tear that lasted from May until mid-August, they were every bit the team they were billed as. Then came September… Continue reading Eat My Sports: Wild finish

That’s enough, redheads, thanks for coming

Cryos International agency director (and Danish award-winning beer), Ole Schou, is up to his eyeballs in ginger semen. The world’s largest sperm bank has no further need for the foreseeable future for donations from redheads or, for that matter, Scandinavians who don’t have brown eyes.

(Bonus Headline of the Day points to MSNBC for the “Redheads Need Not Apply” call back to American anti-Irish racism.)

Schou told msnbc.com that nobody seems to want redhead sperm except the Irish, who aren’t aware that children come in different colors, and nobody wants Scandinavian sperm because of their complicated instruction manuals and critical missing pieces.

However, if you are Black, Asian, Hispanic, Mediterranean or mixed-race, then you are welcome to step up from amateur ‘baiting to the pros.

It’s like a plot from Bewitched meets real life

Spec plot synopsis: Take two ca-raaaaaaaazy lesbian lovers, have them rummage around through the houses of New Jersey, taking anything and everything that they can (including, but not limited to, budget-wise:

Jewelry, video games, cameras, laptops, watches, $22,000 in cash, Euros, pesos, poker chips, $2 bills, toy ponies, toy cars, toilet paper, a .22-caliber revolver, a Sony PlayStation, a Nintendo Wii, knives, autographed baseballs, Crazy Glue, lubricated condoms, a Virgin Mary statue, sneakers, iPods and baby lotion

along with flat-screen TVs and facial creams, but those are a dime a dozen). From there, have these crimes take place even in broad daylight, because who would suspect a broad? Then have the pair attempt to get into Samantha’s house, except … when they open the front door, they’re chased off by a lion (which is actually Darrin thanks to a screw-up).

For those interested, this sounds like a long-lost script from Bewitched or potentially real life.

New enemies to battle

We’ve got some bad news, folks. There’s a new dolphin species out there, which means that we’ve got more work ahead of us. The good news is that there are only a few of them, so we should be OK.

Scientists found about 150 dolphins off southern Australia. While they had known about the dolphins for a while, they didn’t realize that they were actually a new species. Now we need to figure out their habits, their weaknesses and anything else we can find. After that, let’s meet back here for a strategy session. Ready? Go.