Take it from Snee: Review of the 2031 re-release of ‘Star Wars’

So, I did some time traveling and stumbled across the 2031 re-release of the Star Wars saga onto the 4D Green-Ray format. I’m not sure exactly what that means, since my 20-year-older-self will rely on local children to plug new technology in for me. Also, I might have just committed future innuendo laws.

Starting off, let me just say that the 4D will/does look/looked awesome. Adding the extra dimension of time really opens(ed) up a lot of scenery and elapsed time that went unnoticed in previous formats. I was surprised that movies are still on disks, but the Griin-Ray blows away our current Blu-Ray tech out of the water because the lasers are green now.

Basically, I would recommend saving up now to eventually afford these home theater upgrades and also to survive the impending economic collapse of 2020. Hindsight’s gonna be a bitch in 2031, but I nailed that joke before anyone else. Take that, future funnymen!

That ends the good part of the review. Now let’s get into the awesome stuff. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Review of the 2031 re-release of ‘Star Wars’

Squid are proud creatures

Yesterday marked the first day of a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” U.S. military, finally allowing gay, lesbian and bisexual service members serve openly, even in war zones. And, not to be outdone, our animal foes have matched us tit-for-tentacle: male deep sea squids have come out to our scientists as bisexual.

It’s a shame, too, because a lot of Southern high schools have to change their mascots now.

IHOUWSP

That would be the acronym for “International House of Unmarked White Suspicious Packages.” They’re a branch of IHOP found mostly in the Toledo, Ohio area, but if you look hard enough, you can find a few that aren’t quite in there.

At least, that’s what I can assume based off recent headlines. 7 IHOP restaurants were raided by federal agents. The reason for doing so is unknown (though it’s probably not for the Swedish crepes; lingonberries, ugh!), and when pressed about what was going on by would-be patrons of the home of the most delicious name in the industry, police officers responded with:

…all IHOPs were closed

Which is a most disturbing idea. Oh, sure, the agents were seen leaving with white office-style boxes, which might be important. But if I were in the Toledo area, where would I be getting my pancakes? Especially at the all you can eat price! Like I said, a most disturbing idea.

For the drunk who has everything

There exists out there a bottle of 62-year-old single-malt scotch and it can be yours if you have the cash. Actually, it could have been yours, but the auction is now over.

The bottle of Dalmore single malt, one of only 12 bottles ever made, was sold for about $200,000, which, if you read this blog, is most likely a bit outside of your price range. It was sold in the land where scotch was born, and people in kilts still walk the streets with straight faces: Singapore.

It was purchased by a Chinese businessman, so we have reason to believe that in keeping with communist ideals, every one in China will get an equal portion.

(Never heard of Dalmore? That’s because they don’t sell it on this continent.)