Day: September 22, 2011

Milking this for all it’s worth

Some guy named Curtis — and it would have to be a “Curtis” to do something like this — will spend the next undetermined amount of time living the dream: suckling on ti …

What? The breast milk he’s attempting to live on has already been pumped? You know what? We hope it makes him fat.

Anyway, Curtis plans to keep us abreast (Hire us for your talk show!) on his blog as he consumes nothing but his wife’s frozen breast milk. This should take down those high-priced human breast milk lobbyists who say it’s safe to drink every day.

This story REALLY stinks

Yowch. Please know that I’ll be ceremonially removing one of my pinky fingers as punishment for that pun. But it’s worth it!

You see, a battalion of skunks decided to invade a home. Ten of them! That’s a lot of stench!

A octogenarian and his wife came back from trips. Since the trips were separate, it was probably nice to finally see each other again, except, they were greeted by ten of the stinky monsters. Oh, and the AC wasn’t on. In Florida.

That’s ten skunks, prancing about as if they owned the place, living it up in the walls and chewing holes in the cabinets. That’s horrible! One of them even sprayed the inside of a dryer because it was dumb enough to be caught in it. The furry hoodlums were probably also fornicating in the house, and as we all know, what’s worst than the rancid smell of stale sex? The rancid smell of stale sex (right Alex?) … and skunks.

A heroic trapper has managed to capture the dryer skunk, but the search for the nine other fugitives continues. Our heart goes out to the Paelieris.

Help the economy while meeting the floor

As some of you may have noticed, the economy isn’t so healthy here in the U.S. Apparently the same sort of thing is happening in Europe, only there, the problem is multi-faceted, because so many different countries are involved and they keep making fun of each other’s accents.

We try not to bore you with important matters like the economy usually, but one man, Jack Ewing of Economix, has an argument we think you can support: Drink more beer. It seems that in Europe, people aren’t drinking as much beer, for whatever reason. Sure this means more for you and me when we go over there, but it also means that all of the brewers, restaurants, bars, bartenders, waitresses and so on, are making less money off of you getting a buzz. In turn, they don’t have as much money to go to stores and buy things with the money they got from you for the beer.

So, in summation, if it can work over there, it can work here. Get out to the bars and start sucking down suds (preferably not during happy hour.)