Month: October 2011

The McBournie Minute: It’s Halloween, not Comic-Con

Halloween is fun for all ages. When you’re young, you get to dress up like your favorite cartoon and get all sorts of candy. When you’re older, you get to reveal your inner nerd by dressing up as someone from your favorite TV show or movie.

Not to hate on a holiday that allows everyone to dress up in revealing costumes, but I’m starting to think that my generation doesn’t get what the holiday is all about. In countless other countries, it’s about embracing that which you fear and do not understand, most popularly, death. Here in the U.S., there’s none of that.

I’m here to tell you, Halloween is not Comic-Con. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: It’s Halloween, not Comic-Con

Who says those who teach can’t (do stupid things)?

In many states, gun owners looking to earn their concealed carry permit must prove to a licensed agent that they are mentally sound and capable of making prudent decisions. What that constitutes, however, is not always clear.

Fortunately, Mason, Texas gun shop owner, Crockett Keller has chosen to demonstrate exactly what isn’t competent decision-making.

In a recent radio ad, Keller announced an upcoming concealed carry course and that “Socialist liberals,” Barack Obama voters and “non-Christian Arabs or Muslims” would not not be permitted to attend. The latter two exemptions are, of course, in violation of the Texas Department of Public Safety licensing policy:

“Conduct by an instructor that denied service to individuals on the basis of race, ethnicity, or religion would place that instructor’s certification at risk.”

We’d like to congratulate Mr. Keller for not only providing a rock-solid example of what kind of people probably shouldn’t carry concealed handguns, but for proving that old adage wrong: Those who teach can do (stupid things.)

Ixnay on the entertain-ay

Justice Potter Stewart once said that he knows what pornography is when he sees it. While vulgarity is not quite the same as pornography (though that may be simply a case of semantics), China’s government has decided that it knows not only better than you, but it knows what vulgarity is.

And vulgarity is overly entertaining television. No, really.

We can only assume something may have been lost in the translation.

Look for this on ‘CSI’

The most important part of any theft is getting away quickly. So a getaway car is essential.

A man in Pennsylvania was tired of carrying his case of beer, so he stole a forklift, police say. He drove the forklift, at speeds well over 3 mph, we’re guessing about a mile down the road and ordered a sandwich to go from a local restaurant. He then left without paying and made his escape on the forklift.

Unfortunately for him, there aren’t many forklifts used as transportation in that part of town, so police tracked him down pretty quickly, putting an end to the crime spree.

No word on what happened to the beer.

You Missed It: Donkey’s done edition

Snow. Friggin’ snow. It’s still October and there’s snow in the forecast for a lot of the East Coast, including D.C. I grew up in Vermont, so I’m used to snowy Halloweens, but generally I like my winters after my falls, not a week after it was 75 degrees. The worst part about all this is that all those wonderful, classy women dressed like skanks tomorrow night will be all covered up by their winter coats. Where’s the spooky fun in that? If you were spreading for a Playboy spread this week, odds are you missed it.

What about ‘Hong Kong Phooey?’
In a rare interview, Eddie Murphy said that he’s not going to do a fourth Beverly Hills Cop, and is even considering going back out on the road doing stand-up, which he hasn’t done in a couple decades. But the most important news was that Murphy no longer wants to do family movies. Sorry, everyone who was looking forward to Daddy Daycare 2.

“Want a lap dance?” “You betcha!”
A boom in the oil business has turned Williston, North Dakota into the fastest-growing town in the U.S. Jobs are everywhere, and the money is flowing, it’s like Boardwalk Empire, only with no boardwalk. The boom is having a trickle-down effect, too, with strippers now making about $2,000 a night (!). Apparently, they’re getting talent coming in from Las Vegas in search of money. It’s only a matter of time before trains start getting held up.

That was my idea
Harvard Professor Elizabeth Warren, who is challenging Scott Brown for his seat in the U.S. Senate, said this week that she was basically the reason behind Occupy Wall Street, because she has been an outspoken critic of Wall Street practices for years. So you’re saying you created a leaderless movement that consists of people camping out in public places for long periods of time? I’m pretty sure the credit for that one goes to anyone who lived in a Hooverville.

What’s a birthday without embarrassing anecdotes?

The Statue of Liberty turned 125 today, which was observed by a celebratory bash just before shutting her down for repairs. 125 immigrants were sworn in as Americans and …. Wait, really?

Folks, not only did more than 1000 American and French people in attendance observe Lady Liberty’s role in welcoming new arrivals from the east, but they also observed her role in Ghostbusters II:

“After the American and French national anthems were played, actress Sigourney Weaver read ‘The New Colossus,’ a poem by Emma Lazarus inscribed under the statue in bronze, with the famous line about welcoming ‘your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.'”

The event concluded with fireworks, but details are sketchy as to what song was played during them. We can, therefore, responsibly conclude that it was “(Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher and Higher.”

Worst. Date. Ever.

If you’ve ever had something going on on the side, you know that it can’t last because eventually your significant other will find out. In Colorado, one man was willing to do just about anything to keep his girlfriend from realizing he was cheating.

A man was waiting for a woman he met online to arrive at his house when his girlfriend showed up unexpectedly. This put the man in quite a bind, because the other woman was due to show up at any moment, and then it would turn into an episode of Cheaters.

So he did the only thing a sensible, rational man would do: He called the police to report the other woman as a burglar. Somehow, the plan did not work out for him, and he ended up being charged with filing a false police report. No word on how things went with the new woman after that.

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Shaun of the Dead’

At long last, it’s now time for the final movie in our look at the comedy-horror genre, and ladies and gents, it’s a movie for the ages. It’s zombie-riffic, it’s dead-larious and there’s a stiff upper lip of romance because it’s decidedly British; obviously, I’m talking about 2004’s Shaun of the Dead.

But wait, you might say. Haven’t I already reviewed that movie before?

Dear reader, you are quite correct. I have already reviewed the movie before. So what’s the point of this? Hit the jump to see. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Shaun of the Dead’

Perry’s performance no longer debatable

Texas Gov. Rick Perry, who described his participation in debates to Fox News as “mistaken” earlier this week, has to date only committed to one of the next three debates, leading to conjecture that he might skip them entirely. He’s been forced to publicly admit his performance in recent debates demonstrate that he is “not perfect,” which is a political euphemism for “dumb like the rest of you at this fair.”

His campaign manager, Ray Sullivan, said that they are “examining the opportunities and the opportunity cost” of each debate. But they have not, however, ruled out campaigning — even though Perry polled much higher when he wasn’t even in the race.