MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Muppets’

It’s been 12 years since we’ve last seen the Muppets on the big screen. It’s crazy to think about. To me, the Muppets are as big of an American institution as Saturday Night Live (in both good times and bad times). There should be a new Muppets movie every three years, just to re-indoctrinate the youngs ones! Some people may not be big Muppet fans, but can you find anyone who really doesn’t like them?

If so, congratulations, you’ve found a Nazi (and I’ve officially Godwin’d this review).

That’s why it pleases me to say that The Muppets is surprisingly good, even going in with high expectations. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Muppets’

Maybe they should send their moms up to the ISS

We already have a pretty good idea of how astronauts go to the bathroom. (It involves a vacuum cleaner and true grit.) We know how they eat. (Acrobatically.) We even know how they sleep. (Restrained to a wall because you’d have to be insane to eat and go to the bathroom in space.)

But, do you know how they do their laundry? Neither do they.

To date, they’ve been living the high life, wearing their underwear fresh out of the pack and then incinerating them. But, a new washing machine on the International Space Station could force them to live like the rest of us: wearing each pair until they run out, putting on swim trunks and washing them in a new low-power, low- water washing machine.

At least now we know that our collection of astronaut undies were a fraud.

Man’s best friend = man’s worst enemy

There’s really no way to sugarcoat this story: a Utah man was hunting over the weekend with his friend. He left his shotgun in his boat, along with his pet dog.

The dog shot his ass.

How is this not an automatic declaration of war? It was only through his human ingenuity to be wearing waders at the time that saved him from worse injuries. Take that, dogs of war.

Zebras in suburbia

Don’t ever turn your back on an animal, no matter how domesticated that gerbil might be, a wild animal lives deep inside of it, and it’s just aching to destroy you.

And then there are the actual wild animals we try to keep domesticated in zoos. If Jurassic Park taught us anything, it’s that nature always finds a way, and in Leesburg, Virginia, that was was an open gate at the local zoo. This week, residents woke up to find zebras grazing in their yards and galloping through their neighborhoods.

The pair of escaped zebras were terrorizing the town, as only zebras can, until police officers were able to put them down–not permanently, like their compatriots in Ohio did, they just tranquilized then and put them back in their pens. Citizens of Leesburg, it’s time to consider riding one of those things to work.