The McBournie Minute: Get off soul singers’ lawn, whippernsappers

When the Greatest Generation came home from World War II, they settled down and got to having children quickly. They figured they had a handle on everything. And why not? If they could win the war for freedom across the globe, they could handle anything that came their way.

Then their kids grew up, and they started liking music that their parents just didn’t get. They said things and had different priorities than their parents’ generation. They had everything handed to them, and it wasn’t good enough. The older generation looked on and sighed and how kids just didn’t get it anymore.

Ladies and gentlemen, the torch has been passed once again, at least in regards to music. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Get off soul singers’ lawn, whippernsappers

‘Cherish’ isn’t the word we would use

The National Football League has agreed to continue their long-standing policy of helping Puppy Bowl draw more viewers. That announcement was part of an NFL press release in which they confirmed that Madonna will perform a Cirque du Soleil Super Bowl halftime show.

In past years, the NFL has attempted to send viewers fleeing to images of puppies slobbering over a tiny football by booking

▪  A born-again Prince who doesn’t sing about sex anymore
▪  Paul McCartney, post-Beatles
▪  U2, who refuse to feed Bono to starving Africans
▪  Janet Jackson’s metal nipple doily

If this doesn’t work, the NFL plans to run YouTube videos of people vomiting accompanied by the dulcet tones of a stadium full of vuvuzelas in 2013.

More retro than hipsters

As we’ve been telling you for years, those crazy scientist bastards are hellbent on not just saving the animals, but bringing back ones we defeated thousands of years ago. Scientists are now saying that they think they could clone a woolly mammoth within five years.

They’re not just talking hypothetically this time, they’re for real. Well-preserved mammoth bone marrow found in Siberia will be used to replace the nuclei of an elephant egg, then plant the embryo in an elephant womb to deliver the unholy aberration.

This blog supports the endeavor, so long as we get to taste the meat.