Eat My Sports: Oh Captain! My captain?

I remembered at first being confused. Why in the hell would the Steelers trade away their Super Bowl MVP only a year removed from perhaps the most memorable catch in the history of the championship game, this side of David Tyree. From a fan’s perspective, it was just plain baffling. But then you remembered the domestic assault charges, the multiple drug violations, it really is amazing what being a Super Bowl MVP will cover up. Some teams will put up with it, and some teams will take the first fifth round draft pick a team throws at you. And so the Pittsburgh Steelers sent Santonio Holmes off to the New York Jets.

A four game suspension and an AFC Championship Game loss to the Steelers, Holmes decided not to test free-agent waterd and re-sign with the Jets. And by not test, it had become common knowledge that Holmes was a locker room wrecking ball, and knew the Jets were the only team dumb enough to pay him $7 million a year, even though he’s a mediocre number one target who is a seventh choice Pro Bowl alternate, at best. (Don’t believe me? AFC wideouts better than Holmes, in no particular order: Wes Welker, Mike Wallace, Anquan Boldin, Reggie Wayne, Andre Johnson, Antonio Brown, Dwayne Bowe, Brandon Marshall, Pierre Garcon, Darrius Heyward-Bey, Vincent Jackson, should I continue?) Continue reading Eat My Sports: Oh Captain! My captain?

If You Give a Mouse a Dew

It might be time for Pepsi Co. Inc. to review their legal team.

When Ronald Ball of Illinois sued over allegedly finding a dead mouse in his can of Mountain Dew, the soft drink company responded with a resounding, “Nuh-uh,” adding that steeping a mouse in Mountain Dew would have corroded it into a “jelly-like” substance.

So, quit whining, and embrace the extreme! Why, there could be all kinds of acid-melted animals in the Code Red right there in your hand, dude.

Dr. Evil no longer interested in Walmart

I have breaking news for everyone: Despite what you might have thought in the past, the million dollar bill isn’t actually true legal tender in the United States of America. I know, I know, I too am shocked by this notion. But it seems to be true. Why?

Because Walmart says so.

Well, Walmart and the US government, that is.

See, we know this because a man allegedly walked into a Lexington, North Carolina, Walmart and attempted to buy some regular, run of the mill, household appliances with the aforementioned counterfeit tender. When he continued to push the idea that the bill was real, the police proceeded to push him into jail.

New Year’s Riotin’ Eve

For some people in Denver, the new year did not get off to the best of starts.

Guests at a Marriott in the city were unable to get back into their rooms for the first three hours of 2012 because of a room key malfunction. The problem got worse as people staggered back from their parties, ready to get into their rooms, only to find out they could not. The guests, who had probably been drinking as heavily as The Guys do on a weeknight, got into fights and also threw up in the hallways.

That’s how you start the new year off right!