Day: January 9, 2012

The McBournie Minute: Put down the fedora

Those who watched football yesterday saw some pretty shocking sights. I’m not talking about the New York Giants rolling over Atlanta, or Tim Tebow somehow defeating the Pittsburgh Steelers. It’s far worse than that. Did you see the hat that Ben Roethlisberger wore during the post-game press conference?

Yep, that is a fedora spotted in the wild. On a white guy, no less. I’ve talked about this before, and I thought I made it clear to my vast readership out there, but apparently someone wasn’t listening. To be fair it was only two sentences, so it could have easily been missed.

So I’ll go over this again: It is not OK to wear a fedora. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Put down the fedora

Your girlfriend smells awesome, bro

Axe Body Spray, which cornered the market on making young men smell like Italians, announced a new spray for women: Anarchy. The advertisement (viewable in the link) maintains Axe’s standard of sensitivity towards women by not explicitly stating that it’s for the vaginal regions.

Personally, we hope to see mirrors of their original ads in which a young woman applies Axe (not necessarily into her baby hole) and is chased down and tackled by a group of young, fratish men. Maybe they’ll do that for their next line of women’s spray, Axe: The Accused.

Bullets work better hitting the target and not the shooter

No one likes crows. They’re filthy creatures that make little boys think they can fly in their dreams. That’s why we at SG completely support the destruction of those winged monsters.

But just like making a souffle and creating an incest-baby, we only support it when it’s done properly. This means using blasting dynamite or a gun that will completely discharge when the trigger is pulled. If the trigger is pulled and no bullet comes out, much less a large BLAM! sound, then it’s no good.

That’s why we DON’T support this man from Ohio. The only object he shot was himself. The crows? Still alive and presumably plotting.

Justice has been done

If you’ve never met a Floridian, you may not realize that Florida is a messed up place. Strange things happen, people are weird, it’s the New Jersey of the Southeast, and then you add in all the tourists.

Last week, a wild, 400-lb. boar (because apparently they have those there) was caught and killed. It had been terrorizing a local dog track for over a year. It was responsible for the totaling of two cars. This is probably the reason that everyone in that state owns and carries a gun.