Eat My Sports: Tebow Time

Even I wasn’t shocked when it happened. These sort of things just manifest themselves for Tim Tebow. The guy is a living, breathing sports’ movie. So when the Broncos opened up overtime on Sunday and he hit Demarius Thomas for the game-winning score, I let out a subtle curse (I couldn’t have yelled if I wanted to, the moment was polarizing), finished my beer and turned off my tv.

Were you surprised that the Broncos beat the big, bad Steelers? If you say you were then you are aeither a) lying b)an idiot, or c) a lying idiot. This is the same guy who had Florida University emblazen a crying speech after a loss and decided to call it “The Promise.” Nothing about Tebow is subtle, or done on a small scale. For the love of god, when the man sucks at his profession, he makes being a horrible qb look epic. To say Sunday’s final play was scripted would be trite, and not fair to what the Broncos actually accomplished. But you had to see it coming. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Tebow Time

White affluent teenagers continue to be white affluent teenagers

Like, I’m not sure if you’ve heard the news, but there’s some really horrible tragedy going on! No, I don’t know what Darpfor is, is that a car? I think my dad’s assistant drives that. Middle-class? What’s that? Are those poor people? Whatever, I’m not them. Shut up already and let me tell you this horror story!

A yearbook won’t run this downtrodden girl’s picture! It’s like Ken Gong Il Dovio and Sodom Hugestain totally had a kid and that kid decided to make a yearbook!

The yearbook nerds, who I bet aren’t popular at all, say they’re refusing to run the picture because it’s inappropriate. They don’t even know what appropriate is! She says that it’s artistic, which it totally is, obviously.

This is a complete trouncing of her first amendments, no all of them! ARGH! IT’S SO UNFAIR!

That’s gotta hurt (their national pride)!

So, did you hear the one about the Polish Colonel who shot himself in the head? He missed.

If you don’t like Polish jokes, did we also mention he’s a lawyer? ‘Cause he is.

Reptiles from the past have returned

We thought we had gotten all of them. We were wrong.

A species of giant tortoise in the Galapagos went extinct in the 1840s–or so we thought. Now, we have evidence that there are at least 84 members of that species have been walking, ever so slowly, the Earth the whole time since. A survey of over a thousand tortoises found that some of them were a species that no one had seen in a long time.

So, who’s up for one of the easiest hunts of all time? It’s not like they are agile or able to hide easily.