Day: January 17, 2012

Eat My Sports: One dog left in the fight

While watching the NFL playoffs this weekend, I was hoping a few things would play out.

1. The Texans somehow find a way to knock out the Ravens despite having TJ Yates as a starting qb.
2. The Packers have all their fake fans finally shut up.
3. Tebowing keeps going.
4. The Saints keep marching.

Well, in spite of Joe Flacco, the Ravens punched their ticket to the AFC Championship along with the other half of my nightmare scenario, the Pats or Ravens making the Super Bowl.

My other hope was that the Saints would make it to Indy simply because I will be in New Orleans for the Super Bowl. All I have left to say is that I’m still geauxing to New Orleans, but if I see one more eaux, I’m going to flip out on someone. This is America folks, write in American, it ends in an o.

So that leaves me with my vengeance coming back as the Perfect Pack got waxed in. Every facet of the game on Sunday,it was fantastic. But, it also leaves me with only one team left to root for, the Giants.

See,if the Ravens win, that’s just worst thing possible for a Steelers’ fan. The Pats, winning, well that’s number two. As for the 49ers, sorry, I can only have one team with six Lombardis. So that leaves us with the New Jersey Giants.

God’s speed Eli, I hope you geaux tithe Super Bowl.

The Rhythm is Gonna Get Ya

For those of you reading this on your mobile device while walking and listening to music, turn off that music right now. According to researchers from the University of Maryland, “serious injuries to pedestrians listening to headphones have more than tripled in six years,” and that number will only go up as we get older and/or the music playing through those headphones gets louder.

70 percent of headphone-wearing pedestrians in their study of 116 cases ended in death. (No one reported whether the iPod or Zune was OK.) And this was despite over half of the accidents involving trains, which, c’mon, kind of give away where they’re coming from with tracks.

At least a third of the 116 accidents involving cars and trains tried to alert pedestrians with their horns, but this blended in seamlessly with listeners’ techno and dubstep mixes. The study did not account for people of superior musical taste who aimed for the pedestrians and then sounded their horn in a victorious yawp.

Bonus: The article in the link comes from an online section of the USA Today titled, “DriveOn.”

Guess what the ringtone is

Dummmm-dum. Dummmm-dum.

And now, the greatest tracker of the sea is the Apple-equipped human. Michael Domeier, host of “Shark Men,” has created an app for the iPhone and iPad that can track tagged great white sharks in real time. And baby, there are a lot of tagged great white sharks.

Well, not really. Currently, there are only 20-22 sharks that have been tagged, but each one was personally tagged by Domeier, and he’s not stopping anytime soon. Safety can now be bought for less than 4 dollars. Even better, the ability to destroy one of our greatest enemies can be had for less than 4 dollars.

The U.S. loves its wine

People who drink are healthier than people you don’t, as we’ve been reminding you for years now. America, it looks like you were listening to us.

In 2011, the U.S. emptied 3.73 billion wine bottles, making us the wine-drinkingest country in the world. It also probably makes us snootier than we used to be. Just think how much higher it would be if they counted all the boxes of wine we emptied, too.

But this is no time to rest on your laurels, America. China is expected to skyrocket in its wine consumption in the next four years. Currently, Italy, France and Germany are right behind us, but it’s the Chinese we need to watch out for.