What is Crank? Crank is not just the ad campaign for Mountain Dew turned into an action movie, it’s also fueled by Mountain Dew. Instead of celluloid, there’s just green soda that may or may not shrink your shrink-a-dink and Red Bull and the X-Games at their most intolerable and ADHD and hey look something shiny!
It’s a ridiculous movie that was made for nothing more than Bad Movie Nights. Right directors and writers? No? Too bad. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Crank’
It appears as if Lionsgate is not done with Twilight, even if you’re done with it. The studio, after a recent acquisition of Summit, is hoping to extend the shiny vampire series beyond Bella and Edward.
Good thing it’s 2012, am I right?!
If you know our animal foes as well as we do, then you’re already aware that dung beetles dance on top of their balls of feces. We always thought it was a premature end zone dance (Remember the good old days when dung beetles just handed the ball to the ref?) before rolling it back home.
But, South African and Swedish researchers believe they found the true reason for the dance: they’re Tiger Woods-ing that s@%t.
The beetle rolls its dung ball in a straight line backwards to its poophole. If stopped by an obstacle or for a very important phone call, the beetle almost always does the dance again to once again travel in a straight line to their underground crap chasm. Repeated experiments demonstrate that these beetles are actually using the dance to get their bearings — including “visual clues from the sun, moon, the Earth’s magnetic field or the nearest tall tree” — to plot a course as straight as the constipated crow flies.
Personally, we still think it’s because the beetles know we won’t step on them while they’re standing on poo, a move borrowed from human teenagers and their flaming sacks of duty.
(Turds.)
9/11 is a moment in the history of the United States of America that will never be forgotten. It left a moment in generations that can only be equaled by the assassination of JFK and the Challenger explosion. That said, the US and our nation would have suffered much less had actor Mark Wahlberg been on one of the flights that day, rather than having switched flights as he did.
That’s not my crazy and off the wall prediction, that’s Mark Wahlberg’s.
“If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did,” Wahlberg says, presumably while making that face where he looks both confused and slightly angry—the sort of expression that says, “Hey, just who the hell do you think you’re dealing with?” that would have totally thrown the hijackers off. Wahlberg added, “There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.’”
The War on Animals has come many times to Virginia, but this time, there might be a rat invasion, and it will be the doing of the District of Columbia. (And the Occupy D.C. crowd.)
If you haven’t heard, there are full-time campers hanging out in many of our major cities, including Washington, D.C. Apparently the ones in our nation’s capital aren’t keeping things too clean, because there’s a rat infestation being reported. Under a city law, rats must be relocated at least 25 miles away or they will find their way back home.
Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli believes that means his state. The way this general of the war sees it, it’s easier for D.C. to move the rats across the Potomac River to D.C., rather than cart them 25+ miles away. Why don’t they kill the rats?
Because the people in Washington are only interested in killing jobs! Think of how many exterminators they could employ at the city’s expense! (Wait, is that big government, too?)
