Day: January 30, 2012

The McBournie Minute: Do not make Liam Neeson mad

Every Thursday, my office does a ritual performed and held-sacred by so many other offices throughout the U.S.: we go to happy hour and drink beer. During that time, we discuss the important, topical issues that you might expect a D.C.-office to delve into, such as who’s going to order an appetizer and “Hey, isn’t that Liam Neeson?”

Commercials for The Grey have been everywhere lately, and Americans noticed, because it won the box office weekend. I haven’t seen the movie, but I can tell you that it’s about a plane crash in Alaska, and the survivors have to walk all the way to civilization to survive, but a pack of wolves is after them. And that scene where Neeson runs in slow-motion with glass taped to the knuckles of one hand and a knife in the other, that’s probably at the end. (The Guys admire the film’s firm anti-animal stance.) It’s his latest action movie, yet he’s turning 60 this year.

Why is Liam Neeson so badass all of a sudden and why do people/animals keep trying to mess with him? Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Do not make Liam Neeson mad

Jamie Oliver hates the environment, animals

McDonald’s (which is popular on the site today) has caved to British television chef, Jamie Oliver, in what is the latest salvo in his War to Waste Food.

The fast food giant pledged to stop using “pink slime,” a product of treating lean beef scraps with ammonia to render them safe for human consumption, in their hamburger patties. Which means that when the sign out front says “over 250 billion served,” they could mean the number of cows or acres of rainforest consumed by increased cattle-herding.

In the past, Mr. Oliver railed against the use of what is normally considered unusable scraps, including ground-up bone and marrow in chicken nuggets. This led to certain meat dispensaries, including Wendy’s, to start selling “all white meat” nuggets. Environmental scientists still haven’t gauged the groundwater damage caused by the increased demand for whole chickens, whose feces must be managed properly.

Meanwhile, in the factory district just outside town: Oscar Meyer hot dogs are still not made from 100 percent Kobe beef. This looks like a job for … some British TV star!

Surprise: girl that wears trashy shirt has trashy diet, may die in trash

Whenever you watch a movie or television and you see a British person, the natural assumption is that they’re smart. I mean, their accent is so smooth and it sounds so educated that everything they do just has to be right because they’re so smart and literary and scholarly, right?

That’s why SeriouslyGuys is always here to let you know that the British are just as stupid as the rest of the world. And to do so, we’d like to introduce you to 17 year old Stacey Irvine. Stacey Irvine has apparently known only a diet of chicken nuggets for the past 15 years. We only know this because she has copped to it after collapsing at her factory job. Three cheers for Oliver Twist era working conditions making a comeback!

If this is true, this is not a smart move. This is not a scholarly move. This is a horrible move that not even is seen in the fattest, most unhealthy corners of the United States.

U-S-A, U-S-A!

In Sweden, mice are legal tender

How do you build a better mouse trap? Make it give out money.

An ATM in Sweden is showing us that our greatest weapons in a war can serve more than one purpose. It was there that a man withdrew from his account, and ended up getting more than just his cash. There was a mouse inside the dispenser, fighting to stay inside. The mouse was eventually pulled out, but it lost its tail in the process. It also managed to escape authorities.

What if American ATMs could become on-demand mouse-killing machines? Perhaps banks would stop coming up with creative new charges.