Day: February 1, 2012

Take it from Snee: Simpsons did it

In the 2007 episode of The Simpsons, “Husbands and Knives,” guest star Alan Moore (and writer of Watchmen and V for Vendetta) ripped into Milhouse for asking him to sign his DVD of Watchmen Babies in V for Vacation.

Milhouse took his life into his own hands, for Alan Moore is a ceremonial magician who communicates with gods, primarily the Roman snake god, Glycon.

Fortunately, DC has their own magical snake anti-venom: piles of money. And they now plan to use this immunity to publish seven new Watchmen prequels titled Before Watchmen, only this time without Alan Moore or Dave Gibbons.

All I can say is, after 25 years, it’s about damn time. Here’s why: Continue reading Take it from Snee: Simpsons did it

The Chronicles of Argentina: The Voyage of the H.M.S. Dauntless

Nearly two years ago, we brought you news of a possible re-ignition of the United Kingdom and Argentina’s war over the Falkland Islands. Well, while things are getting spicier down there (the only way the Argentines know how), it looks like this war will be served cold, which is the best way to enjoy UKFC Extra Crispy Puffin the next day.

The recent assignment of a warship carrying Prince William to the islands for war games has led the Argentinean government to call Bill a conquistador. This is a grave insult because it implies his new bride gave him smallpox. And recent bans by an alliance of South American nations on an ships bearing Falklands flags led British Prime Minister David Cameron accusing Argentine President Cristina Fernandez of “colonialist” aims at retaking the island.

Between the Argentines’ Spanish conquistador heritage and the U.K.’s history of colonialism, pots and kettles everywhere are at risk of fighting the war these two nations are dancing around.

Legal blow struck for online gamers, everyone else doesn’t care

In the world of online gaming, virtual items are just as, if not even more, important as your real-life possessions. People who struggle to get food on their table sometimes struggle even more to get that stupid little panda helper in World of Warcraft (or maybe it’s a dragon? a unicorn?). So when hackers strike, it’s rough times. It’s even rougher when your virtual items are taken from you in real life.

Well fret needlessly no longer, genius of the internet! The Dutch Supreme Court has ruled that forcing a 13-year-old boy to relinquish a virtual mask and amulet in RuneScape, an online game amounted to real-world theft.

The Netherlands’ highest court confirmed Tuesday that a boy who threatened the 13-year-old with a knife to make him drop the objects in the online fantasy game RuneScape was guilty of theft and ordered him to perform 144 hours of community service.

Somehow, I feel like theft should be the least of it, considering that whole “being threatened with a knife” part. But hey, now you nerds have a legal precedent! Also, since the parties involved went to a court, a hygienic precedent wouldn’t be bad either.

See you in 2200!

Scientists, again and again, keep proving that alcohol is actually good for you. This is probably because all scientists are drunks, but even so, this is important news for the drinking community. Well, we’ve got more good news for you, fellow boozers:

Alcohol makes you live longer.

A new study, on a species of worm, which is of course an excellent stunt double for humans, found that they lived up to 40 days after consuming alcohol, when their lifespan was typically just 15. That’s right, alcohol can now extend your life by nearly three times. This is probably why tequila is aged, they have to wait for the worm to die before they can serve it.