Not all that glitters is gold, and not all that’s love is good. Sometimes love is wrong, so very, very wrong. That is the lesson I will impart to you this month.
We’ll kick it off with The Room. Yes, that The Room. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Room’
John Goodman (no, not that one) has completed a tricky legal maneuver known in law circles as adopting your grown-ass girlfriend.
Goodman, who inherited a fortune through the air conditioning business, had access to said fortune restricted while he faces civil and criminal charges for allegedly drunk driving and killing Scott Wilson. His family was cut off from a trust he set up for his biological children, but now his girlfriend/daughter has immediate access to a third of it.
This also allowed for one of the greatest sentences ever written in the history of copy: “The couple has been dating since 2009, and she is now Goodman’s third legal child.” Ewwwwww.
It almost seems like a person can make anything into a charity. There’s ball cancer, boob cancer, brush-fires, earthquake relief, homeless people and so forth. Oh, and there’s NAMBLA. Can’t forget that (man oh man, are we going to have some horrible search hits now). While AIDS was in style in the early nineties, cancer of all type seems to be the illness prevention of choice at the moment, but you can never go wrong in doing something nice for the kids.
Having fifty fights in one night is doing something nice for the kids, right? We’re not really sure. Brian Digore, a karate school owner, will be turning 50 next Friday. He’s celebrating this by fighting fifty people, one at a time at 90 seconds each, in mixed forms of combat.
Oh, and this will end up benefiting Big Brothers Big Sisters. Hope Old Man Digore doesn’t need to dip into the coffers to benefit his sore knuckles.
Burmese pythons are taking over the Everglades, eating everything in sight. Hey, that’s fine by us. If the animals want to kill each other off, who are we to get in their way? These things have been documented eating everything from alligators to deer.
But could they come for us, next?
At the rate they’re going, the pythons are going to run out of food, and then they’re going to start traveling to find dinner. Some scientists say that they could come north. Yes, they are reptiles, and they can’t handle colder winters, but one professor who has been studying the serpents says they might just evolve. He brought some pythons to South Carolina that eventually died when winter came, but he said these things lasted longer than expected, and they may be able to adapt to colder climates. That’s right, pythons could recreate part of Sherman’s March to the Sea.
