Day: February 7, 2012

Eat My Sports: Time to look back, objectively

Despite what you may be thinking (McBournie), my column today is not entirely dedicated to calling Tom Brady a douche, those awesome graphics NBC showed us on Sunday covered that topic for the rest of time. I think that Sunday’s game, and it’s ensuing swelling aftermath, gives us the ability to put a few things in perspective.

1. Eli the Great
Say what you will about the eight year Ole Miss vet, but I tank we’ve had which Manning is the best dead wrong. While capturing his second Super Bowl MVP in five seasons, Manning did it while going on a torrid postseason run (10 TDs, 1 INT), and also, in both Super Bowls led game winning touchdown drives, not field goals. In every clutch postseason moment, Manning delivered as was unflappable in the pocket. When it comes to calm, and clutch, no one in the league sieve approaching Manning’s level at this point. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Time to look back, objectively

Our theory may have been off some

Remember last month when a bunch of blue balls fell from the sky in England, and the Guys theorized that it was the work of a gender-specific male sky?

We maaaay have been off. Or at least, science seems to think that we are.

Nerds Jerk-faced jerks that want to prove us wrong Scientists at Bournemouth University claim to have solved the mystery, claiming that they’re actually a chemical polymers found in gardening tools and diapers. This means we can now add one more stereotype to the British:

  • Not only do the British have horribly offensive teeth, BUT…
  • They also have diaper breath.

It only feels like you’re dying on long flights

Ever catch a follow-up to a news story you didn’t know existed and then realize that that original news could have been something important? Like how scientists discovered that the cholesterol in eggs is actually good for you, but you’ve been eating a dozen a day this entire time because you never knew they could have killed you?

That’s when the Guys play a little game we call, “Wait … What?!“

Good news! It turns out that flying coach won’t kill you with blood clots.

Wait … what?!

Apparently, doctors had suspected for some time now that long flights contribute to blood clots in normally healthy people, particularly if you were penned up with the other livestock in coach. The more couped up you are, especially in a window seat, you’re less likely to get up or tap a foot lest you want to launch the Shasta on your tray over the seat and into the guy reclining into your crotch. (If you didn’t hear about this, it’s obvious you don’t read the First Class edition of the in-flight magazine.)

But, they’ve revised that hypothesis based on research quietly conducted through episodes of The Office on that little overhead television. They now believe the only ones at risk are those with conditions pre-existing the stressful rigors of flying coach. So, if you’re flying for a big presentation, convince your boss that you need to fly First Class.

Oh, and one of those pre-existing conditions? Using birth control.

Wait … what?!

Sorry, that’s another edition of “Wait … What?!“

Shopping for jail time

Other people are such assholes, aren’t they? Everywhere you go, it seems there are dozens of people who are blocking your way or somehow making conscious decisions to make your day rougher.

Apparently, it doesn’t get any easier when you’re old. In Sweden, an 89-year-old man was recently convicted for assault with a shopping cart. Let’s make it clear, they do not tolerate such acts of violence over there.

The victim said that she and the man were both pushing carts, trying to make it to the entrance of a mall. He began waving at her, trying to get her to five him room. When she didn’t, he rammed his shopping cart into hers. It’s no wonder that she pressed charges!

It probably didn’t help that his cart had blades on the wheels like a Roman chariot.