Day: February 8, 2012

Take it from Snee: Judge John Hurley, the Mikado

The Mikado in the eponymous Gilbert and Sullivan play sings that, as the most humane Mikado in all of Japanese history, he believes that every punishment should fit its crime. And certainly a no more humane judge did in Florida exist than Judge John Hurley, who recently sentenced a husband in a domestic abuse case to time with his wife.

While a lesser judge might have sentenced Joseph Bray to jail time for, as his wife Sonja described, shoving her to the sofa and grabbing her by the neck, Judge Hurley recognized this the way any Floridian would: a happy birthday chokeslam. (The two were fighting because Joseph failed to wish his wife a happy birthday.)

So, that’s why the judge ruled that they must:

  1. Consume flowers. (That’s why women always need more, right?)
  2. Go to Red Lobster.
  3. Go bowling, a bloodsport that — in my experience — has settled more marriages than any other besides Monopoly.

After all, this whole incident boiled down to what Judge Hurley described as a “very, very minor” example of domestic violence. It’s only assault if it happens in a bar, workplace or anywhere else that isn’t your living room.

Not only do I offer Judge John Hurley my congratulations on a verdict well reached, but I wish him a long and illustrious career over other cases. Cases like: Continue reading Take it from Snee: Judge John Hurley, the Mikado

Kid’s on the fritz, again

Two decades of spanking research are in, and — according to an article in the Canadian Medical Association Journal — it’s analogous to slapping your TV when it’s on the fritz. Sure, it may fix undesirable behavior in the short term, maybe even knock some dust off, but your Samsung is still broken, maybe even more so now.

Parents who don’t understand the study, yet believe these Canadian scientists have behaved badly may email their spankings to Joan Durrant, the article’s lead author and a child clinical psychologist and professor of family social sciences at the University of Manitoba.

Life imitates art, man imitates dog

In what can only be presented as the first ever fusion of Abbott and Costello meets Benny Hill, an officer managed to chase himself for 20 minutes.

Okay, so, yeah, there IS more to it than just that. Britain is filled with CCTV surveillance, all to help out security. An undercover officer was patrolling the area after crimes had hit it earlier. A camera operator let him know that there was a suspicious character seen in the vicinity of him. Except, since he was undercover, the camera operator did not know what the officer looked like, and in order to not attract attention, the undercover wasn’t going to make it obvious that he was a cop. Nonetheless, neither would stop doing their job, as crime was potentially afoot!

This unintentional bit of comedy continued for nearly half an hour before a higher ranking official came into the monitoring booth and pointed out just how wrong both parties were.

Remember kids, England’s the country that tried to take us over a long time ago. Somehow.

Love English style

We’re just a week away from Valentine’s Day, so get ready to woo your ladies, gents. (Unless you’re married, in which case, get ready to watch television in the same room–all night long.) If you haven’t thought of anything, don’t worry, The Guys have you covered, but you have to act now.

This Valentine’s Day, why not give her an English treat: cock and bull pie. What woman wouldn’t want some cock, or as we say in America, chicken, and bull testicles, all baked into a pie. Chef Charlie Bigham says it’s an aphrodisiac, and if it’s one thing the Brits, know, it’s how to love.

Order your cock and bull pie today so it can arrive just in time.