Day: February 14, 2012

Eat My Sports: Bad relationships edition

Of all the relationships we have in our lives, sports can be the most frustrating. Why? Well because for most avid sports fans we have one to four sports relationships that keep us occupied year round. We live by our teams, when they suck, it affects our mood, when they win, we’re elated with the team. But it never, ever, ever ends. From the moment you attach yourself to a team, for the rest of your life, you’re screwed.

So, John Cusack inspired me to revisit my top five worst sports relationships as categorized by season. You know, to catch up with them, see how they’ve been. They won’t care, but I’ll feel better.

Thanks Boss.

5. 2004 Boston Red Sox
This is the girl that you marry. They frustrate the living hell out of you, but you stay together because you love them that much. 2004 tested a lot of things for me as a Sox fan, my faith, my resolve … my liver, this was on the heels of the 2003 season that I will always consider the one that got away. By the end of the season, even with a World Series title to finally call our own, I felt like most people do after their weddings, just glad it was finally over. Seasons like that keep you in it for the long haul and you know your relationship is stronger for it, but I’m almost positive the ’04 Sox, like most women, took a good 10 years off my life. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Bad relationships edition

What to get for the monarch who has everything

Did you wait until the last minute to get something for that special someone this Valentine’s Day, and all that’s left in stores are the inflammatory cards and diabetic chocolates? Well, there’s one grand gesture you could make, and it only costs a mere £510 ($800 U.S.): mooning the Queen.

Australian barman, Liam Warriner, mooned Queen Elizabeth II during her October visit to Australia. He ran alongside her motorcade — bare-assed — for 50 yards, clutching an Australian flag between his buttocks the entire time. Warriner told police that he did it to protest elitism, but that athletic performance definitely ranks him in the elite.

IOC, make the pants-less 50 yard butt relay an Olympic event now!

Downgrades are the new upgrade

In most of the world, the iPad has become a new standard in the business world. People use it as a launching point for presentations, show demo videos on screens larger than their phone and play Angry Birds when they should be doing their job. But not in all of the world, no. Some parts of the world, well, progress has become slightly halted. Or even reversed.

In (not-so) Soviet Russia, iPad doesn’t replace typewriter, typewriter replaces iPad!

Seriously. The Federal Security Service paid over 2 million spacebucks toilet squares rubles (which comes out to approximately $67,000) just to exchange working iPads with modern typewriters.

In all of my life, that’s not a sentence I ever thought I’d be typing.

The wooly mammoth lives! Maybe

Mankind drove the wooly mammoth to extinction thousands of years ago (save for the one seen only by a hallucinating giant bird on a kid’s television show), it’s one of our earliest victories in the War on Animals. However, we may need to go back and finish the job.

A new video, reportedly shot last summer in Siberia, shows what looks to be a wooly mammoth walking through a river. If it’s real we may need to grab our elephant guns and snowshoes. However, the video is only 10 seconds long, the mammoth doesn’t seem to cause the rushing Russian water to break and there’s no explanation for why the video is only surfacing now. So it seems like it’s probably fake.

But you don’t win a war by making assumptions. Let’s go accomplish the mission.