Take it from Snee: Women are still mysterious

A little over a month ago, I began investigating the enigmas that are women — these eniginas, if you will — after learning that Stephen Hawking is wasting valuable research time thinking about them. (Get back to your black holes, sir. You study cosmology, not Cosmo.)

Well, it looks like my investigation has attracted the notice of Republican state and federal legislators, who — like Professor Hawking — often have a problem with wasting time on this issue. I’ll admit that my sources are lacking when it comes to the pull of congressional committees as I don’t have the power to summon religious leaders to answer my questions.

Is this how mysterious women have become, that when science fails, we must turn to our culturally relevant mythologies (not this year, Zeus) to finally figure out what makes ladies tick? The answer is, yes, short of asking women, this is the only way to solve the further mysteries of women. Mysteries like … Continue reading Take it from Snee: Women are still mysterious

Golfer left with a mouthful after tournament loss

Earlier this week, we brought you the stunning self-realization of a soccer team owner that it turns out he doesn’t actually like soccer. Now, we turn our sights to another revelation from a different boring sport: golf.

Keegan Bradley took a lot of grief on Twitter for his recent performance in the Northern Trust Open in Los Angeles, but not for losing the three-way playoff at the end. [Editor’s Note: it turned out the three-way was a three person golf tournament, proving last paragraph’s point.] No, golf enthusiasts were stunned by Bradley’s constant expectorating during the televised event.

After reviewing the footage, Bradley responded on his own Twitter account, saying he had no idea how much he spits and pledged to swallow more from here on out.

See, PGA? It doesn’t take much to sex up a game where men use wood to sink their balls in holes.

Teaching about discrimination at more than 47 grand a lesson

Gender discrimination, sadly, exists in our world. You may not witness it, as you’re a capable, intelligent and responsible man, but for women around the world, as horrible, uncouth and lazy unlucky they might be, they have to see it every single day.

But no more in the United Kingdom! And by United Kingdom, I mean England. And by England, I mean London. And by London, I mean a solitary bus stop.

The children’s charity Plan UK has put up an advertisement at a bus stop that, using technology, only shows a 40 second video to women. But not to men! The technology involved is a camera that measure the facial features of passer-byes, activating only for people that are sans-penis.

Perhaps it’s because of the testosterone in me, but I’m having a few problems figuring out something that discriminates people will impart the lesson of why not to discriminate.

The older the berry

Jurassic Park is finally here.

We’ve been telling you for quite some time that scientists are hellbent on recreating life that went extinct ages ago, particularly the wooly mammoth. But now, they’ve finally done it. A species long-dead has been brought back to life once more, and it’s a plant. (Hey, Jurassic Park had ancient plants, too.)

Russian scientists (it’s always the Russians) have successfully matured and grown prehistoric seeds into a flowering plant, with fruit and everything. The seeds are about 30,000 years old, found in a pre-Ice Age fruit tucked away in an ancient squirrel‘s nest. It had been sitting there in the Russian permafrost when it was discovered.

We can feel our ancestor’s allergies coming back right this moment.