Day: March 5, 2012

The McBournie Minute: ‘Yay, we’re not dead!’

It seems like everyone has a bad flight story. Delays, security procedures, weather, lines and the thousands of other variables that can throw things off schedule can be frustrating to today’s traveler. Everyone has a reason to dislike air travel, and I’ve gotten annoyed before, but last Monday night, I found myself wondering if my plane was going down.

I consider myself a seasoned flyer. I’ve been flying several times a year for the past decade, and I believe that the airline workers are really just trying to do their best with what their corporate headquarters will allow. I always go into a trip of one or more flights with a sort of pessimistic existentialism: The flight is going to suck, I don’t know how, nor can I control it, so just roll with it, because the plane won’t get their any faster if I start yelling.

Hopefully you’ll never have a trip where you wonder if you’ll get there at all. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: ‘Yay, we’re not dead!’

Rogue Girl Scouts’ little stunt has the Mayor asking for our leader hats

Johnson! Cotton! Get in our office!

We’ve got the city superintendent breathing down our necks about a couple of loose cannons causing mayhem in the streets. Oh? You don’t know what we’re talking about? How does this jog your memory:

One unidentified perp pulled up to a certain cookie-selling stakeout, jumped out of his car and nabbed a cash box containing $200. During his attempt to drive off, one Girl Scout, Iravia Cotton, punched the assailant, while the other, Rachel Johnson, jumped on the getaway car. Johnson was dragged by the car, sustaining minor scrapes and bruises.

You know, we ought to take your sashes and berets. God knows the Commissioner wants us to, and your style may not be “orthodox” or “by the scout handbook,” but dammit … you get results. We’re putting you back out there, and if we hear just one more word about your hijinks, you’ll be manning a desk beat in less time than we can eat this box of Thin Mints.

Misanthrope gun of the future looks less than futuristic

Hello there, faithful member of society! Have you been trying to enjoy an espresso, or sitting around on a quiet morning, reading a book at your local cafe when some loud-mouth walks by the open-air, outside porch, talking as if they’re the only person on the street? Ever been standing in line when someone with a voice that has a volume level akin to a Spinal Tap concert gets into the queue, chatting away without a single thought in the world?

Then worry no more! For the small fee of a plane trip to Japan and a nominal amount as a venture capitalist, you can (theoretically) be the owner of a “SHUTTA-UPPA-YO-MOUFFA!” gun. Worry not anymore about politely asking people if they can be a little more discrete with their discussions. Simply point, shoot, and voila, let the confusion arise.

Libraries? Shh’d. Bullies? De-nyah-nyah’d. Free speech? Zipped. Rush Limbaugh? Still fat and calling people sluts, but possibly quieted some.

A hawk of a different color

It’s sad news every time a new species is discovered, except, of course, if you are for some reason a big fan of animals or something, which would make you a species traitor. So it’s good to see those who sympathize with the enemy have their hopes dashed.

In New Zealand, bird watchers got all in a tizzy about a new hawk species that was a reddish-pinkish color. Locals had seen the hawks for a few years, but no one seemed to know where where had come from or why they had such coloration. They were certain it was a new species, until it recently came out that the birds had been spray-painted by a farmer, who saw it as a prank.

The farmer ended up getting charged with animal cruelty.