Eat My Sports: God doesn’t like you, Tim

Apparently winning the most miraculous playoff game this side of David Tyree doesn’t get you very far with John Elway. Sorry Tim Tebow, but your upcoming Zac Efron movie “Fourth and God” will have to be filmed in something other than a Broncos jersey.

Peyton Manning’s arrival in Denver bought Elway out of a public relations nightmare that was Tebowmania. And yet she’s the bigger question of where we can expect clipboard Jesus to arrive next. And really the only logical spot is Miami. Why? Because Elway is literally that cruel.

What better way to screw over the QB that made your job a nightmare than by sending him to the organization whose biggest accomplishment in the last 10 years is coming out with orange jerseys.

No running game, no wide-outs and an ownership that includes J-Lo. If God really is on Tebow’s side, it would literally be a hilarious way to show it.

Israel passes ‘Why don’t they eat something?’ modeling bill

Israel is the latest nation to join the “No Skinny Models” club.

Their legislature has passed a new law that requires all models — male and female — to pass a body mass index test that was administered by a licensed physician before they can be hired for modeling jobs. They have to have a BMI of 18.5 or above, otherwise, no catwalk, ad or billboard fame. Additionally, advertisers must state in a clear graphic if the model has been photoshopped into appearing thinner.

One of the lawmakers behind the bill, Rachel Adato, believes that this will help promote healthier body images for women and, by extension, help curb rising anorexia and other eating disorders statistics.

However, that’s not to say this bill doesn’t have it’s own victims, and by that, I mean all the people stuck in line behind models in Israel’s All-You-Can-Eat kosher buffets.

It’s only the coolest thing to do now

Dine and dash? Bah, that’s so boring. It’s hardly even appropriate to do if you’re at one of the premiere skyscraper eateries? Why, only invent what’s sure to be THE most trendy act of the season: drink and drop.

Four men, all clad in suits, met up for a drink at the bar at the Rialto Towers. The bar happens to be located on the 55th floor of the building, which has 56 floors. After pounding their drinks, rather than pay for them or order more, the lads promptly vamoosed to the bathroom, where they then jumped off the balcony in base jumping gear. Because it was the only rational thing to do.

Allegedly, Christian Duguay has locked up the story for what’s sure to be his next extreme movie blockbuster.

That underground sound

There’s something strange going on in a small Wisconsin town. (We know, “small Wisconsin town” sounds a bit redundant.) Clintonville, Wisconsin is rattling every now and then because of some unexplained explosions.

No one seems to know the cause, but it’s been going on since Sunday night. No gas leaks have been detected, and the military doesn’t have an answer. Geologists have nothing, too. We don’t want to sound alarmist or anything, but has anyone seen Tremors?

If it’s not that, than it’s almost certainly an infestation of Viking mice.